Saturday, August 20, 2011

Social Media Vs. Zombies!

I found this interesting chart on the BuzzFeed website.


While I can't speak for social media addicts, I can and will speak for the living impaired when it comes to the accuracy of these statements.

1. They never sleep.

False. We sleep. In fact, I'm about to nod off right now. In fact, I sleep a good 10-15 hours a day on average, probably more. It's no coincidence that death is sometimes called "the big dirt nap."

2. They're focused on one thing, and it's hard to distract them.

False. The living impaired, especially those who have very recently "returned," are easy to distract. Try it yourself sometime. If you are ever cornered by a "zombie," try jangling your keys. Or if there is a tennis ball nearby, pick it up and show it to the zombie while saying something like, "See the ball? See the ball?" Then throw it and see what happens.

3. They come in groups.

Often, though not always, true. Naturally, I'm a team-builder and group-leader type of guy. But there are zombie loners. Whatever your personality was like in life, that's basically what it'll be in death.

4. They lose body parts in the process.

Regrettably true, as I know from first-hand experience. Things do fall off. But science is making wonderful strides in the area of lifelike prostheses... which I'd be happy to demonstrate in person, ladies.

5. Hygiene is last on the list.

Absolutely false. Now, this is where I start to lose patience with the "lame-stream" media and its horribly inaccurate depiction of the living impaired. The media loves to portray us as being filthy and unsanitary, but this is simply not the case.... which I'd be happy to demonstrate in person, ladies.

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