Need your help: New Yorker Caption Contest

Citizens:

Are you familiar with the New Yorker Caption Contest? Well, it's a weekly contest sponsored by the New Yorker magazine in which readers submit various "funny" captions for a cartoon, and then a group of judges narrow the submissions down to three contenders which then get voted on by the public. The winner doesn't really get anything out of it, but the contest is a big deal (among nerds) nevertheless. Folks, I won't lie to you: I want to win this contest. So here's what I need you to do -- think of something funny to say about the following cartoon and post it in the comments section.

Thanks,

Wayne



Naw, I'm just joshin' ya. If you come up with a good caption for this cartoon, please enter it yourself at the New Yorker's website. Me, I'm damned well stumped by this particular cartoon. Tell me -- and please be honest -- if any of the following strike you as even remotely humorous.

• "Save the jive talk, copper! I don't recognize your precious laws of physics!"

• "What can I say, officer? I was in a Shriners parade, got bored, made a left turn, drank about 15 cans of Four Loko, and now I'm here."

• "Ever considered a career in pornography? 'Cause I could totally make that happen."

• "Boy, are you going to have a great story to tell your no-doubt-hideous wife!"

• "Be honest. Wouldn't you rather know how I did this than give me that ticket?"

• "I'm in your house! Call me!"

• "What part of 'I'M ON A BOAT' don't you understand, officer?"

Yikes. Maybe I'll have better luck next week. Now you may have noticed that some of these captions make absolutely no sense. Allow me to explain: I thought it would be (somehow) super funny if the cop pulled over the boat/car and then the driver said some completely whacked-out, bat-shit-insane non sequitir. The "I'm in your house!" one, for instance, comes from the movie Lost Highway. I mean, if you were a cop and somebody said that to you, wouldn't you be freaked out a little?

Anyway, here's a song which suits the cartoon better than any caption ever could: "Boat of Car" by They Might Be Giants.