Ed Wood's When the Topic is Sex: "The Sado-Masochistic Saturnalia" (1972)

I had to censor this image a lot before I could use it.

NOTE: This article continues my coverage of Ed Wood's When the Topic is Sex (BearManor Media, 2021).

The article: "The Sado-Masochistic Saturnalia." Originally published in Savage Sex (Pendulum Publishing), vol. 4, no. 1, February/March 1972.

Excerpt: "Today, with the resurgence of group dancing, the orgy spirit seems once again to be on the increase. Dancing has long been recognized as a process by which sexual release is accomplished, not through sexual activity, but rather through the purgative effects of the dance itself. There is an historical background upon which the nature of the orgy rests. It is not merely the sensual abandonment of self-centered hedonists."

Recycling, Three Stooges-style.

Reflections: Just about every Saturday afternoon, I watch reruns of The Three Stooges on the cable channel MeTV. The Stooges made 190 shorts, each averaging 15-20 minutes apiece, at Columbia Pictures between 1934 and 1959. Longtime Stooge fans know that Columbia cut corners by recycling footage, gags, and even entire plots from previous films. Heavenly Daze (1948), for instance, was remade as Bedlam in Paradise (1953). The studio even had the gall to remake a classic Curly Howard short, What's the Matador? (1942), as Sappy Bull Fighters (1959) with Joe Besser in the lead role. This ended up being the final Stooge short ever, so the long-running series actually ended with a remake!

Ed Wood was not quite so shameless when it came to recycling, but he was not averse to chewing his cabbage twice if need be. As I made my way through the short stories in Blood Splatters Quickly and Angora Fever, I found a few examples of Eddie reusing plots and dialogue. "Detailed in Blood" is a retread of "The Gory Details," while "Those Long Winter Nights" contains a scene that is nearly identical to a sequence in The Snow Bunnies (1972).

This same kind of déjà vu occurs in Ed's nonfiction articles. "The Sado-Masochistic Saturnalia" offers essentially the same reading experience as "Pain & Pleasure = Sado/Masochism." Since "Saturnalia" was published a full year earlier, I guess that makes "Pain & Pleasure" the ripoff, even though it appears first in this book. Either way, you get a lot of the same ideas in both stories. To wit:

• Sadomasochism is a common fetish, and its practitioners tend to be average, everyday people living in the suburbs.

• S&M provides a convenient outlet for the anger and hostility we all have as human beings.

• This fetish can be incorporated into orgies or "saturnalias," but it is certainly not welcome at all group sex events.

• Today's "swinger" parties are reminiscent of the orgies of ancient Rome.

This begs the question, what is new or different about "The Sado-Masochistic Saturnalia" to distinguish it from the other article? Well, for one thing, Ed writes a little bit about how even fetishists might discriminate against each other. "Blacks are prohibited at some orgies," he explains. "In many groups, long-haired men are not allowed. There are groups that won't allow anyone to participate who looks square. Yet they allow whipping and spankings."

The part of the article I find most interesting is when Ed Wood talks about the violence that permeates modern American society. As prolific as Eddie was in the late 1960s and early 1970s, he actually does not comment on the Vietnam War all that often. He doesn't actually mention the war by name in this article, but it must've been on his mind when he wrote this passage:

Today's society is one of violence. Wherever we turn, we see it. Even on television, we see nothing but bloodshed. Recent complaints and pressure have caused the networks to cut back the overt violence, but even at that it is apparent that bloodshed is what people want to see. Take a look at any professional football game or boxing match on T.V. Wars go on around our country and we are oblivious to the bloodshed and suffering. In fact, we watch battles being fought on T.V. newscasts, and seemingly enjoy it. Likewise we watch telecasts of riots in the streets.

At this juncture in the article, Ed has basically forgotten about sadomasochism or saturnalias and is just venting about whatever happened to be on his mind that day. To me, that's one of the gifts of When the Topic is Sex. It gives you some real insight into the muddled mind of Edward D. Wood, Jr.

Next: "If You're in the Market for S-M" (1973)

Ed Wood's When the Topic is Sex: "When Then the Topic is Sex" (1971)

This is almost the title story from this collection.

NOTE: This article continues my coverage of Ed Wood's When the Topic is Sex (BearManor Media, 2021).

The article: "When Then the Topic is Sex." Originally published in Garter Girls (Pendulum Publishing), vol. 6, no. 1, February/March 1971. Credited to Edward D. Wood, Jr.

Excerpt: "Today there are any number of magazines on nearly all the magazine book shelves which tell of the delights and the pleasures which might be derived from the sado/masochistic actions. And it is not always that they are practicing a safe and sane way of capturing their sexual pleasures. People have been known to be seriously hurt, maimed, crippled even killed through the accidental applications of torture."

Reflections: I've been a regular viewer of Saturday Night Live since I was a kid, so I cannot help but compare just about all the media I consume to old SNL sketches. Forgive me.

Specifically, the Ed Wood article "When Then the Topic is Sex" reminded me of an ad parody that SNL first aired on December 7, 1985. The sketch starts with a sharply-dressed announcer (Rex Robbins) walking past a power plant and talking about America's energy consumption. But then it cuts to a ranch, where the same announcer (who has ditched his suit in favor of denim work clothes) is now talking about cowboys. Another cut, and now he's walking through a field and discussing "pollen and other irritants."  Yet another cut, and he's on Wall Street (back in his suit) and telling us we need "sound financial security." One final cut, and he's ambling down a sunny suburban street and drinking a can of soda he declares to be "cracklin' good." Finally, we arrive at the tagline: "The Ad Council: Wasting your time in various ways... for no good reason."

Notice the use of ellipses. Very Ed Wood-esque.

That's just what it feels like to read "When Then the Topic is Sex." Ed starts out by saying that we're all discussing sex more openly and honestly these days. Okay, that's nice, but then he starts jumping from topic to topic: swingers, bathroom graffiti, obscene phone calls, fetishists, sado-masochists, transvestites, sweaters (of course!),  bathroom graffiti (again), sexual positions, swingers (again), and finally religion. (Eddie insists the Bible is the dirtiest book of them all.) What is this article about? Who is the intended audience? What point is Ed Wood trying to make, if any?

Knowing the original venue for this article does not help, by the way. It was first printed in a magazine called Garter Girls, but Eddie doesn't mention garters even once. That figures. I've reviewed other Ed Wood stories from Garter Girls, and they weren't about garters either.

At his most focused, Ed does devote several paragraphs to swingers, i.e. those engaged in wife-swapping and group sex. He also calls them "switchers," a term I hadn't heard before. But if this article is for them, what was all that stuff about sweaters? And which gender writes filthier words on bathroom walls? And what to do if you get an unwanted obscene phone call? Ed seemingly went into this article with no battle plan whatsoever. He just sat down and started typing.

One last aside: Ed uses the term "switchman's picnic" at one point in this article. That was certainly a new one on me, so naturally I had to Google it. The term is not common, but Ann Landers used it in a column from 1962. Her article is such a doozy that I'm begging you to read it.

Next: "Commentary: Article by 'T'" (1971)