Showing posts with label transvestism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label transvestism. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 4, 2020

Ed Wood Wednesdays, week 97: "Drag Trade" (1967)

Time to dive into one of Eddie's books from the Summer of Love.

Some other Triumph Fact Books.
You know what's crazy? This series has been running for nearly seven years, dissecting seemingly every aspect of Edward D Wood, Jr.'s life and career, and yet we've barely touched on the dozens of full-length books Eddie wrote between 1963 and 1978. I've reviewed exactly three of Ed's novels, plus the posthumously published showbiz treatise Hollywood Rat Race. My colleague, Greg Dziawer, has been more focused on the books Ed Wood didn't write, i.e. the smutty paperback novels and sex manuals written by his colleagues and contemporaries but sometimes mistakenly attributed to Ed.

And yet, all the while, there's a mammoth body of literature that we've hardly made a dent in. These aren't "speculative" or "possible" Wood works either. These are undisputed and iron-clad. Ed put his real name on the cover of many of them! For whatever reason, though, we just haven't gotten around to them.

Well, for a change of pace this week, I've decided to cover Drag Trade, a paperback book released in 1967 by Triumph News Co. Inc. of Van Nuys, CA. Eddie went by his own name on this project. He's listed as "Ed Wood Jr." on the cover and "Edward D. Wood, Jr." on the title page. According to Nightmare of Ecstasy by Rudolph Grey, that's Eddie himself in drag on the cover. I have no reason to doubt it; the eyes and chin look about right. But the fellow on the cover does look a bit more put-together than Eddie usually did.

Drag Trade's cover bears the legend "A Triumph Fact Book." Other books in this series include Virginity: Its Causes and Cures (1968) by Lydia Swann, The Money Lovers (1968) by Richard Christy, The Changing Sexual Deviant (1968) by Lance Boyle, She Prostitute (1968) by Wallace Arthur, The Mind Benders (1967) by Jonathan Smith, and the ever-popular Sodomy (1968) by Matt and Kathleen Galant. It seems this franchise was rather robust in the late '60s. 

According to the Technical Report of the Commission on Obscenity and Pornography, Triumph was "one of the most important publishers in the industry" during this time but was "reportedly not publishing as of July 1970."

The cover page for Drag Trade identifies the book as "A Triumph Novel" and "A Novel by Edward D. Wood, Jr." Rudolph Grey, too, refers to it as a novel. So what is this thing, a factual account or a fictional novel? I'd say neither. 

Frankly, Drag Trade reads more like a series of short stories than it does like a novel. Each chapter—and there are eight of wildly varying length—contains its own individual set of characters. There is no overarching plot here. Instead, Drag Trade is structured (mostly) as a collection of case studies, as if Ed were relating real-life stories ripped from the headlines. A quintessentially Wood-ian disclaimer at the beginning declares: "These chapters are based on fact. Only the names of characters have been changed... for obvious reasons." (If Jack Webb and Criswell had a baby, that's how it would talk.)

I'm tempted to call Drag Trade a compendium of fictional nonfiction. Like "Drag It Out" or "Trucking's a Ball," it's purely the product of the author's booze-soaked imagination, but it's presented as the truth. The book is such a jumble of unrelated anecdotes and pseudo-journalistic digressions that it defies summarizing. Luckily, at the beginning of the penultimate and longest chapter, Ed Wood does manage to explain the premise with some degree of clarity:
"[I]t is not the plain transvestite who interests us here. What is of interest is the homosexual transvestite and the temporary drag who puts on women's clothing for the purpose of criminal activities."
Keep in mind that, throughout this book, Ed uses the word "drag" as a noun to describe a cross-dresser. So, in a larger sense, Drag Trade is about the overlap between transvestism and criminality. In some areas of the country, Ed Wood reminds us, cross-dressing was a crime in and of itself. But this book is really about men who exist at the fringes of society because of their transvestite tendencies and who turn to a life of crime, including robbery and prostitution, because they see this as their only viable option. In the book's final chapter, labeled "EPILOG," Ed clarifies:
"There are few 'true' transvestites who become criminals, few ever even get themselves into any kind of trouble. But the world is very big, and in it are many houses."
Nevertheless, this book is filled with stories of boys who start dressing as girls and end up either dead or, more commonly, in prison.

One such sad case is that of Charles Myers, aka Charlotte Myers, aka Shirley Myers. The son of a migrant farm worker and a gold-digging "beer-bar floozy," Charles is appalled by his mother's greed and promiscuity and responds by becoming closer to his father. Things go wrong for Charles when he introduces his girlfriend Shirley to his dad. The old man makes such a fuss over the young lady that Charles decides to feminize himself. 

One fateful night, Charles convinces Shirley to switch clothing with him as some kind of foreplay. Unfortunately, Shirley's parents catch the couple at a most inopportune moment and charge the boy with rape. From there, he spirals into a life of crime from which he never recovers. It ends up with him killing a Hollywood cabbie while in full drag. I doubt even Charles could explain exactly how he got to that point.

That's how Drag Trade is. These stories take place all over the United States—with a couple of side trips to Japan—but feature a lot of common elements.
  • These men often come from unhappy or broken homes, with one parent either absent or emotionally distant. 
  • Some of these cross-dressers decided to become more feminine in order to please their fathers, while many more were turned into pseudo-daughters by their coddling, overprotective mothers. (Shades of Ed Wood's own, oft-repeated origin story.) 
  • Either way, the one loving parent dies, and the child is left to fend for himself. 
  • Many of these characters travel to a big city in search of opportunities. There, they commit crimes in order to feed their addiction to women's clothing. 
  • Ultimately, after a period of success, they go too far and are arrested. 
  • Their stories usually end with them going to prison and having to wear drab denim uniforms and get their hair cut short—the ultimate punishment in this universe.
Was Ed Wood inspired by Tor Johnson?
What stands out, then, are the weird variations on the book's basic themes. Ed devotes Chapter Three, for instance, to Stephen/Sadie, "a 240-pound, 35-year-old man" from a Swedish-American family. "He favored sheath dresses," Ed writes, "but his great hulk didn't really look good in them." I could not help but imagine Stephen as Tor Johnson. 

Chapter Two concerns Ranee Smith, a young African-American man from a family of poor Arkansas sharecroppers. This part of the story is written in a ridiculous ersatz "Negro" dialect possibly inspired by the works of Mark Twain.

Interestingly, Ranee leaves the family farm partly to get away from meddlesome Civil Rights workers who just want to stir up trouble. Ed Wood's thoughts on race relations have no business being in a fetish book like Drag Trade, but that doesn't stop him from getting on his soapbox occasionally. 

In Chapter Six, he tells the story of some black cross-dressers who, at the suggestion of a New York agitator, attempt to infiltrate an all-white gay bar. ("It was a White Bar and catered only to the White swish crowd.") The "stout" owner, Nellie, is a lifelong member of the Ku Klux Klan and is willing to do whatever it takes to keep out these interlopers. At the climactic moment, however, a wealthy Hollywood star enters the bar and recognizes the leader of the protesters. Not wanting to offend this high-paying client, Nellie allows the black cross-dressers to stay. I think most people would consider this a small step forward for tolerance and sanity. Not Eddie. He writes:
"The Swish-in sit down was abated by that simple action, and the whites took to the idea like a duck to water. But the man from New York would have used his regular violence if necessary. The black hats won that round. It certainly is time for the white hats to do as much. The great vote is still undecided."
It boggles my mind that Eddie would make repeated pleas for tolerance on behalf of cross-dressers yet still be in favor of racial segregation. At moments like these, he seems like some wild-eyed prophet ranting at passersby on a street corner.

When it comes to the sections of Drag Trade set in Japan, I don't know what to say so I'd better say very little and avoid displaying my ignorance. According to Ed, the Japanese have a great fondness for feminized men called "sister boys." Lesbians, much less common, are called "brother girls." Furthermore, says Ed, "many of these clubs which support the female impersonator as a means of entertainment, prefer American or European acts against those of the Japanese." Is any of this accurate? I don't have the foggiest idea, and I doubt Ed does either. He's either fabricating all of this or repeating things he has heard or read elsewhere.

As I said before, I've barely looked at Ed's novels, but I've reviewed plenty of his short stories. I can confidently say that Drag Trade is made from of the same basic material as those stories. As ever, Ed Wood's main motifs are cross-dressing, sex, booze, and death. Typically, Eddie devotes many paragraphs to describing items of clothing, particularly fuzzy angora sweaters. But there are the usual skirts, blouses, nighties, negligees, and undies, as well. Silk, satin, and nylon retain their customary importance in this novel as they do in other Wood works.

Many of the scenes in this book take place in grubby bars or sleazy cocktail lounges, Ed's usual locales. Drag Trade is peopled by drunks, hustlers, bums, hookers, and con men, exactly the same kind of people who populate Blood Splatters Quickly and Angora Fever. Eddie also flat-out cannibalized this novel for ideas for his later short stories, including "Super Who?" (the "female" robber who turns out to be a guy) and "Island Divorce" (blackmailing a prominent man with embarrassing gay photos).

But this wasn't all a familiar experience for me. I learned some things, too. A stealth theme of Drag Trade is that of acceptance, both by individuals and by society at large. Eddie uses the word "accept" a lot throughout Drag Trade, as in Chapter Seven when he opines:
"It is never enough to dress up in girls' clothes, in one's room, and parade for one's self in front of a full length mirror. They must get out on the street and be accepted in the role by all of society. The female impersonator, on stage, accomplishes just that. He is seen and accepted for what he is."
This made me realize how important the idea of acceptance is in Ed's debut feature Glen or Glenda (1953) as well. Dr. Alton (Timothy Farrell) advises Barbara (Dolores Fuller) that she "must take the place, give the love, and accept the facts that [her boyfriend Glen's alter ego] Glenda has always accepted." Ed uses the idea of acceptance throughout Glen or Glenda, as when Dr. Alton says that Glen and Barbara "accepted each other" on the night of their engagement or that Alan/Ann ('Tommy' Haines) was "accepted" into the United States Army. That word must have meant a lot to Ed.

Dr. Alton makes a plea for tolerance in Glen or Glenda.

Although Drag Trade contains many of the same themes —and even some of the same scenes—as Glen or Glenda, it utterly lacks that film's sense of can-do optimism. In Glenda, for instance, Dr. Alton says that "Glen/Glenda should consult a competent psychologist." But in Drag Trade, Ed tells us that "Charlie would have to stand Psychiatric treatment for another three years, but there was no Psychiatrist who would ever be able to help him."

In Glen or Glenda, the good doctor assures the audience that a happy, well-adjusted transvestite "can be more of a credit to his community and his government" once he receives the proper feminine attire. But these same items of clothing only inflame the criminal impulses of the characters in Drag Trade. These men guard their wardrobes jealously and are willing to resort to robbery and worse in order to obtain more feminine finery. Not a good citizen in the bunch.

Honestly, there is so much information contained within Drag Trade that I couldn't possibly describe it all to you without this review turning into a 10,000-word behemoth. I thought about reviewing each chapter individually, as if they were separate short stories, but even that approach wouldn't work since the chapters range from just half a page to nearly 50 pages in length. At first, it seems that each chapter is going to contain one case study apiece, but Eddie gives up on that sensible structure about midway through. The back half of Drag Trade is a random scrapheap of stories and ideas, with crime and cross-dressing as the only connecting threads.

All in all, Drag Trade is everything a fan might conceivably want out of an Edward D. Wood, Jr. novel. It's campy. It's delirious. It's idiosyncratic in that very particular, stilted, Wood-ian way. It certainly gives you insight into how Eddie thought, what he valued, and how he viewed the world at large. But I would suggest that readers start with the short story collections instead. I'm beginning to think that the short story, rather than the novel, was Eddie's ideal medium as a writer. I can handle six or seven pages of this stuff at a time. After 159 pages, I felt discombobulated.

Wednesday, January 8, 2020

Ed Wood Wednesdays, week 95: A review of Ed Wood's "From Birthday Suits to Shrouds" (1971)

Despite its ghoulish title, this story is mostly about clothing.

Blenders do more than blend.
A good blender does not just blend. It also stirs, chops, grinds, mixes, purees, and liquefies. It serves multiple purposes in order to justify its existence. And so, too, must a professional writer, especially a freelancer who needs to sell his work quickly and regularly.

Fittingly, then, Edward D. Wood, Jr. had multiple modes or settings as an author. He could be salacious, explicit, ghoulish, sadistic, grim, gritty, dreamy, wistful, woozy, philosophical, even darkly humorous. Whatever the subject matter demanded of him,  really. But of all Eddie's modes, there is none closer to my heart than "professorial." This is the style he adopts when his ostensible goal is to educate or enlighten his audience.

How do I explain this mode? Well...

In a 2000 episode of The Simpsons called "Days of Wine and D'oh'ses," lifelong alcoholic Barney Gumble is horrified to see footage of himself getting drunk at a party and lecturing a clearly uncomfortable Lisa, age 8, about his vision of an afterlife where everyone is segregated by nationality. ("I'm just sayin' that when we die, there's gonna be a planet for the French, a planet for the Chinese, and we'll all be a lot happier.") The child backs as far away from him as possible on the couch where they are both seated. When she says Barney is upsetting her, he assures her that he isn't. This does not help.

"Gee," Barney remarks to Homer while reviewing the embarrassing tape, "is that what I look like when I'm drunk?"

"You wish!" Homer cheerfully replies. "That's the stage we call 'Professor Barney' -- talkative, coherent, even insightful! Here's drunk!"

Homer then advances the tape to a truly humiliating scene in which a completely blitzed, delusional Barney dresses up as Marge and falls over the banister and onto the floor, where he proceeds to lick spilled alcohol out of the shag carpeting. Not a proud moment, even by the low standards of Springfield.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Ed Wood Wednesdays: The Wood Drag Odyssey, Part One by Greg Dziawer

Welcome to the weird world of Carson Wade (center).

Ed Wood was an incredibly prolific author in the 1960s and '70s, as he toiled in the world of pornography and exploitation, but it can be difficult for his fans to determine which stories and books he actually wrote during those busy years. In fact, a number of works have been inaccurately attributed to Eddie, occasionally to drive up their value on the secondary market.

While we've previously played numerous rounds of Eddie or Not?, delving into the world of mistaken adult paperback Ed-tributions, let's not forget that the same holds true for Ed Wood's magazine work. Though we may dream of a full accounting of Ed's written output, a multitude of pseudonyms and a lack of credits make this a daunting challenge. But we've got to start some-vere.

The cover of Female Mimics, no. 1, vol. 4, 1964.

Let's start at the beginning. The article "Men In Skirts" originally appeared in a Fall 1964 issue of Female Mimics, a fetish mag published on the East Coast by Selbee Associates, headed by kink pioneer Leonard "Lenny" Burtman. Though credited to author Carlson Wade, "Men in Skirts" is one of the earliest speculated magazine writing credits I've come across for Ed Wood. I'm not exactly sure how Carlson Wade came to be considered a pseudonym for Ed, but it's not difficult to see the connections between these two writers. They were both extremely prolific and often covered similar niche subjects, specifically transvestism. And some of Wade's work seems suspiciously Wood-like on the surface.

Like this for example:

Splash page for a Wade Carlson article about vampirism.

Despite it now being generally known and accepted by fans that Carlson Wade and Ed Wood were two different people, with their own distinct writing credits, Wade's work is still occasionally mis-attributed to Ed. From time to time, an example will turn up on Ebay with an exorbitant price tag. For instance, back in 2014, one seller had listed for sale a copy of Carlson Wade's 1958 novel, Conquering Goddess, falsely claiming it to be Eddie's work. The seller was asking $180 for a book that Ed Wood didn't really write.

Conquering Goddess with a classic cover by Gene Bilbrew, aka ENEG.


Bob Blackburn, co-heir of Kathy Wood's estate, wrote to a seller who was claiming that Wood is Wade and wrote Goddess. Here is the seller's response, which I will present without editorializing:
Hello, 
I have this stuff written down somewhere. Anyway, off the top of my head, there is a guy writing a book, he is the guru of Ed Wood. The reverend of Ed, they call him. He knows he is Carlson, and [collector] Jim Linderman knew Ed. He knew he was Wade, and Kathy told this to a interviewer. She also told of two other pen names but don't know those. Wade is the first pen name, and yes, Ed always wrote. He wrote all his scripts before this book even. The Wade you're thinking of never wrote sleaze. He was a nutritionist. The Carlson Wade who wrote sleaze has NEVER been publicly known, because this book is known to have been published by the mob. Ed had to keep this hush hush. Look on the web. There are people who knew Wade was Ed. 
Thank you.
Bob replied and received this response:

You're welcome! I love Ed, too. The style of writing of this book is also a dead giveaway that it's Ed. Do some investigating like I have.

Again, I'll be nice and let that speak for itself. Bob further noted that the seller never revised the listing, and thankfully the item did not sell.

Carlson Wade wrote a number of articles for Selbee magazines like Leg Show, Pepper, and Striparam circa 1963-1964. Ironically, these articles rely heavily on research and are fact-filled in a way that Ed's usually are not. Wade's prose is descriptive, conservative, and readable but generally uninspired. And the same goes for the 100+ (or possibly double that) books he wrote over the course of nearly half a century. Very much unlike Ed, Wade branched out from pornography and actually spent the latter half of his career achieving limited fame as a pop nutritionist.

While we know that Carlson Wade is not Ed Wood, there is some debate as to whether the Wade who wrote adult paperbacks is the same guy who wrote the nutrition books. However, digging into his bibliography, it's easy to see the progression from socio-sex books (The Orgy In America,1965) to how-to manuals (Floor Decorating, 1979), then finally self-help health books (Health From The Hive, 1992).

Even in the early stages of his career, Wade possessed an abiding interest in new remedies outside of then-current medical orthodoxy. This tendency surfaced as early as 1964, when Wade wrote the preface to Everything You Want To Know About Seafoods: Nutrition From The Sea. One of Wade's most sublime book titles is Butchers In Waiting, an anti-abortion screed from 1960. This was just one of many volumes Wade coauthored with Dr. Edward Podolsky, who was on hand to lend some scientific credibility to the enterprise.

Two Wade/Podolsky titles from 1960 are advertised here, in a page scan from Leg Show (v1 n6 1963). The text is from Wade's article, "Lips Vs. Legs – Which Do You Love the Most?":

A page scan from Leg Show. Note the Carlson Wade text at the right.

And here's an entire set of Wade books, the Epic Sexual Behavior Series, as advertised in the pages of Black Stocking Parade, no. 1 from 1963:

Wade's books are advertised in Black Stocking Parade.

In an industry dominated by pseudonyms, Carlson Wade proudly slapped his own name on the covers of most of the adult paperbacks he wrote. Ironically, though, his most widely remembered works are the clutch of titles he published under the alias Ken Worthy. Like many of Wade's other books, these Worthy titles were published by an East Coast firm called L.S. Publications, Corp. 

The Homosexual Generation (1965) by Ken Worthy—whose back cover claims that it "sheds new light on a situation that increasingly menaces our young people"— has gained infamy  for its derisive, derogatory, and downright crazily warped view of homosexuality. Worthy's The New Homosexual Revolution continues in the same vein. An excerpt from page 111: "As the ranks of the homosexual is constantly swelling by greater and greater acceptance of this condition as an 'illness,' the ranks of the male prostitute is also swelled." One of its chapters is cryptically titled "The Homosexual Message: Decadence, Destruction, and Despair." Credited to Wade Carlson, The Queer Path from 1967  clears up any confusion as to the author's viewpoint on the Table of Contents page:

The contents of Wade Carlson's The Queer Path.

For the record, Ken Worthy is Carlson Wade and not Ed Wood. And yet there are still whispers among fans that Ed wrote some of these titles, particularly The Homosexual Generation. While Wood could definitely paint certain groups in a critical light, to say the least, the truth is that he both pitied and despised the worst in humanity and ofttimes was genuinely empathetic to those on the fringes. But we'll save the argument that Ed was an existential humanist for a later day.
UPDATE: A reader named Scott Warmuth recently sent me some interesting photos of an alternate edition of The Homosexual Generation. Check them out here.
However, Ed did ultimately work for publisher Leonard Burtman, dubbed “the center of the American heterosexual kink community from the 1950s to the 1980s," at the tail end of his life. After moving his publishing operation to the West Coast in the early 1970s, Burtman's company Eros Goldstripe remained a dominant player in the fetish magazine market through the decade. Ed's paperback TV Lust was published under the pseudonym Dick Trent in 1977 by Eros Goldstripe.

The cover of TV Lust, credited to Dick Trent.

We can only wonder how much Ed was paid. 

Ed Wood's pay stub for TV Lust from Eros Publishing.

Back to our original inquiry: Tom Brinkmann, author of the inestimable Bad Mags books and website, recently mentioned to me that the first appearance of Ed's writing in a magazine may have been in Golden State News' Macabre (1967). He noted that an issue of the magazine contains the entire first chapter of the Pad Library book Bloodiest Sex Crimes Of History (also 1967), which Ed wrote under the pseudonym Spenser and West.

Ed's widow Kathy mentioned that Bernie Bloom, who was the general manager of Golden State News, a prolific distributor/publisher of adult slicks, took Ed Wood with him when he left Golden State to start his own company, Pendulum, which incorporated in early 1968. We know that, within a few years, Ed was pounding out magazine stories and articles at an unbelievable rate on his typewriter in the Pendulum office. What we don't yet know is the full extent or timing of his writing for Golden State.

The cover of Macabre, possibly the first magazine to feature Ed Wood's work.

And since this is, after all, Ed Wood Wednesdays and not Wade Carlson Wednesdays, here are the opening paragraphs from Sex Crimes :
The bedroom contained a blood-soaked pillow. The bathroom revealed a nude figure, a woman which was draped over the rim of the tub. A blood drenched, green nightgown hung loosely about her neck. The useless garment moved serenely back and forth, in tempo to a soft wind-like music which played at the window. Two bullet wounds stood out harshly against the whiteness of her recently cleaned body. One gory hole glared from her head. The other, ruby gemmed, oozed from her arm. 
But the bullets had not been enough for the killer. A jagged knife wound snarled viciously across her neck. 
Most pathetic, however, were the words scrawled in brilliant red lipstick across the wall. . .“FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE CATCH ME BEFORE I KILL AGAIN. I CAN’T CONTROL MYSELF.”

Bonus: The Ed Wood Wednesdays Tumblr features a full scan of the Carlson Wade article "Found: An Island Where Amazons Still Rule," complete with another ENEG illustration, from Pepper, vol. 1, no. 4, an early 1960s Selbee title. The Tumblr also features two galleries of cover art for Carlson Wade's adult paperbacks for your browsing pleasure. Enjoy them.

Carlson Wade – Select Bibliography

Carlson Wade made a living in a profession where few succeed for his entire adult life, passing away in 1993 with the distinction of his name having made its way into his book titles.

Adult paperbacks:

Confessions of a Transvestite - 1957
The Troubled Sex - 1961
She-Male: The Amazing True-Life Story of Coccinelle- 1963
Sex Techniques in Marriage - 1963
Sex Perversions and Taboos - 1964
Sexual Behavior and the Lesbian - 1964
Abnormal Male Behavior - 1965
Male Homosexuality: Case Studies - 1965
Mate Swappers - 1965
Sex Cults - 1965
Sexual Deviation and the Law (Ken Worthy) – 1965
The Compulsive Erotic - 1966
The Muscle Lovers - 1967
Naked in Sodom - 1967
Twisted Sex Desires (Ken Worthy) - 1967
Boys of Boles Dorm- 1968

How-To Manuals and Other:

Learn Tropical Fish the Easy Way - 1964
Be Your Own Carpenter - 1965
Be Your Own Plumber - 1966
The Key to Basic Electronics - 1967
Shower Parties for All Occasions - 1973
Great Hoaxes and Famous Imposters - 1976
The Pocket Encyclopedia of Baby Names - 1978
Dog Owner's Handbook: The Pocket Pet Encyclopedia - 1978
How You Can Get Money from the Government for Free - 1989
How to Read Palms and Fingerprints - 1992

Health and Nutrition:

Helping with Your Enzymes - 1966
Instant Health – The Nature Way - 1968
The Yeast Flakes Cookbook - 1968
Health Food Recipes for Gourmet Cooking - 1969
Natural and Folk Remedies - 1970
All-Natural Pain Relievers - 1975
The Book of Bran - 1976
Crockery Cooking: The Easy Way - 1977
Carlson Wade's Lecithin Book - 1980
Catalytic Hormones: Key to Extraordinary Weight Loss - 1982
Carlson Wade's PMS Book - 1984
How to Beat Arthritis with Immune Power Boosters - 1989
Natural Energy Boosters - 1993

Special thanks to Kathy Wood, Bob Blackburn, and Tom Brinkmann.

Monday, November 3, 2014

Ed Wood's BLOOD SPLATTERS QUICKLY: 'Blood Splatters Quickly' (1973)

The red, red vino flows freely in Ed Wood's "Blood Splatters Quickly"

NOTE: This article is part of my ongoing coverage of Blood Splatters Quickly: The Collected Stories of Edward D. Wood, Jr.

Gallery magazine from '73.
The story: "Blood Splatters Quickly," originally published in Gallery magazine, Vol. 2,  No. 1, from Gallery/Pendulum, January/February 1973.

Synopsis: A tormented young man, Ronnie Litton, attends the funeral of his beautiful twin sister, Sheila. He is convinced that her death in a car crash was not accidental and that the culprit was Sheila's boss, Rance Hollingsworth, a wealthy but reclusive old man. Ronnie explains his suspicions to Lieutenant Roberts, who is investigating the case, but the policeman is skeptical and tells Ronnie to leave the detective work to the professionals. 

The young man insists that Hollingsworth killed Sheila, his secretary, because she rejected his sexual advances. To prove it, he decides to dress up in Sheila's clothes one night and sneak into the Hollingsworth mansion. Rance is so shocked upon seing the resurrected Sheila that he dies of fright. Only when it's too late does Ronnie remember the truth: that he and Sheila were having an incestuous affair and that he himself tampered with the brakes on their parents' car out of jealousy. He passes out drunk in Rance's office, oblivious to the fact that the old man had been writing down his suspicions in the case.

Wood trademarks: A funeral; heavy use of the color pink; emphasis on women's clothing and undergarments; transvestism (like the hero of Glen or Glenda?, Ronnie is a cross-dresser with a scolding sister named Sheila!); reference to bodies rotting in the grave; alcohol (Ronnie drinks Scotch and water, then just straight Scotch); symbolic resurrection of the dead; serious, hard-working policeman character; reference to snakes (Ronnie is compared to a cobra); the phrase "the story would be told" (compare to Glenda's "the story must be told").

Excerpt: "Then he was in her bedroom.... Her things were still layed [sic] out on the bed where she had left them that night, the last night of her life... her panties, brassiere, pantyhose, and the two piece pink, wool knit pantsuit. Her high heeled pink shoes were on the floor beside the bed. Naked he looked to the articles of clothing for a long time before he put them on. Then when he appraised himself in the mirror it was Sheila looking back at him..."

No grave for Ed: A Wood-ian cemetery
Reflections: It is not difficult to understand why "Blood Splatters Quickly" was made the title story and de facto standard bearer of The Collected Stories of Edward D. Wood, Jr. This is the kind of tale many people will be hoping to find in a book of Ed Wood's short stories: outrageous, lurid, gruesome, and far-fetched, with a strong emphasis on cross-dressing and booze. 

The plot of "Blood Splatters" is so far beyond the pale -- a deeply confused man dons a wig and women's clothes in order to falsely accuse a feeble plutocrat of murder -- that we may be tempted to treat the story as pure camp and not search for significance in its words. But here, we have an assortment of Ed Wood's fears, weaknesses, and obsessions. When he died in December 1978, Eddie was cremated. "He didn't want to be buried," recalled Kathy Wood of her late husband in Nightmare of Ecstasy. "He had a horror of the thought of being under the ground." 

I knew that graves, tombstones, cemeteries, and dead bodies played a big role in Eddie's films (especially Plan 9, Orgy of the Dead, and Night of the Ghouls), but I never really knew how much these things thoroughly and relentlessly dominated his imagination until I read these stories. No wonder Kathy had him cremated. Ashes don't rot. The transvestism, too, is not treated casually in this story. There is a sense of devotion here that only the fetishist could convincingly conjure. So, too, with the motif of alcoholism. You get the sense that Eddie included this element in the story because he simply had to.

From a plot perspective, "Blood Splatters Quickly" is notable for another hallmark of Eddie's career: the resurrection of the dead, either symbolic or (in his sci-fi stories) literal. In both Jail Bait and The Vampire's Tomb, characters find way of artificially "reviving" their murdered relatives in order to catch the people responsible for their deaths. In "Blood Splatters," Ronnie Litton does the same basic thing, except the murderer he catches turns out to be himself! This morbid fascination on departed loved ones recalls Poe, of course, and Ronnie and Sheila Litton might be considered Wood-ian parodies of Roderick and Madeline Usher, another infamous brother-and-sister pair with an unusual and unhealthy attachment to one another.

Next: "Island Divorce" (1969)