Here's my NaNoWriMo novel: PERFORATED by Joe Blevins

Ready to read my unreadable novel?

Hey, kids!

Remember way back in November when I spent the entire month working on my NaNoWriMo book? In case you don't remember, NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month. The basic idea is to write an entire 50,000-word novel in 30 days, starting November 1. This was my first year attempting NaNo, and I'm proud to say I made it across the finish line.

Well, anyway, if you were curious how my book turned out, you can read the finished novel, Perforated, right here in this very blog.

ADVANCE WARNING: This novel is in no way "good" or "readable." NaNoWriMo is much more about typing than real writing. You should know in advance that the narrator is a very nasty fellow indeed, so the book contains a fair share of politically incorrect language and profanity as well. Also, absolutely no editing has been done to the text. Enjoy!

The entire text of the novel is included below. Just remember, I warned you.

My first attempt(s) at a Sunday color ZOMBY!!!

Hello, readers!

So far with ZOMBY!!!, I have concentrated exclusively upon the daily black-and-white panels because they offer the most comedic possibilities and also look best in this rather narrow blog format. But I wanted to try my hand at the full-color Sunday version as well.

This was my first try.

Meh, right? So I tried again, this time using the existing artwork to make an actual comic sequence out of them. Here's how that turned out:

(NOTE: You may have to click on this in order to make it legible. Sorry.)

ZOMBY!!! addresses an all-too-common problem

There's a ZOMBY within our Borders!

Dining out with ZOMBY!!!

At long last... ZOMBY!!! gets gory

ZOMBY!!! goes to the bank (or something)

A ridiculous post about fortune cookie messages

I am pleased to announce that I have made a delightful discovery about the messages contained within fortune cookies. Of course, there is a longstanding comedic tradition of adding the words "in bed" to fortune cookie messages. And I will admit that this is indeed quite funny.

BUT!

Are "in bed" the only words you can add to your fortune cookie messages? To quote Senator Blutarski, "Hell, no!" Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I suggest that it is every bit as funny -- if not more so -- to add the words "and shit" to the ends of fortune cookie messages. Allow me, please, to demonstrate.

• Old friends, old wines and old gold are best and shit.
• Use your talents. That's what they are intended for and shit.
• Don't wait for your ship to come in, swim out to it and shit.
• You will spend old age in comfort and material wealth and shit.
• Fortune smiles upon you today and shit.
• How can you have a beautiful ending without making beautiful mistakes and shit?
• Never bring unhappy feelings into your home and shit.

If you are so desirous, you can find these and many more fortune cookie messages at this fabulous website. (HINT: Just keep clicking "Open a Cookie.") And from there, you may feel free to add "in bed," "and shit," or whatever words you choose to the ends of these brief, hopeful missives.

PLEASE NOTE: When you are reading these fortune cookie messages aloud, do not place undue emphasis on the word "shit," because it changes the meaning entirely. The words "and shit" are intended as an especially informal way of saying "et cetera" or "and so forth." No scatological meaning should be inferred from these messages. Thank you.