 |
| "I'm Buster Brown. I live in your shoe. Sleep well, children." |
 |
| A live-action Buster |
When you think of Buster Brown, you probably picture those ugly shoes that no kid ever wanted to wear. Fair enough, but much like Skippy peanut butter, Buster Brown shoes were named for a now long-forgotten, theoretically lovable cartoon tyke from the early decades of the 20th century.
Created by comics innovator Richard Outcault, the man often credited with inventing the comics form itself, young Buster Brown and his canine companion Tige had their own newspaper strip from 1902 to 1921 and subsequently appeared in live-action short films, Broadway plays, radio shows, and even a television series. All of those trickled away by the time the 1960s rolled around, leaving the shoe business as Buster's only lasting legacy.
The lad started endorsing shoes in 1904, nearly from the beginning of his career, and he's
still at it over a century later. In case you're curious about the character behind the shoe commercials, Buster was a well-to-do but mischievous lad who had a taste for low-level chaos despite his rather prissy appearance. In each story, he would get into some kind of comical shenanigans and would receive his comeuppance in the form of a spanking, yet he would never learn his lesson or reform his ways for long. One of his trademark bits was to make a ridiculous pronouncement on some matter and then declare that matter to be "resolved." In fact, "Resolved!" became Buster's catchphrase.
So... all in good fun, right? A harmless piece of Americana, right?
WRONG! As the following pictures will prove, Buster Brown is the most horrifying hellbeast ever devised by man. He has the piercing stare of a psychopath, a fact that contrasts hideously with his weirdly formal, effeminate appearance. His dog, Tige, is no better -- a snarling, gargoyle-like creature with the mouth of a shark and an eerie fixed gaze matching that of his master.
Read on at your own peril, gentle traveler.
 |
| Still believe in God? How about now? |
 |
| The full-color version of this was too gruesome even for this site! |
 |
| Yes, Jerry Maren was in the Lollipop Guild. No, that doesn't help. |
 |
| And it's sharp and pointy, too! Perfect for stabbing! |
 |
| Surely, that's red paint. What else could it be? |
 |
| Buster won't take "no" for an answer. |
 |
| "Why so serious?" |
 |
| So unwholesome. So very, very unwholesome. |
 |
| You can dress Buster! Or he can watch YOU get dressed! Whatever. |
 |
| Heeeeeeeeeere's Buster! |
