Ed Wood's ANGORA FEVER: "The Responsibility Game" (1972)

Must be Casual Friday.

NOTE: This article continues my coverage of Angora Fever: The Collected Short Stories of Edward D. Wood, Jr. (BearManor Bare, 2019).

Savage Sex, vol. 4. no. 2.

The story: "The Responsibility Game," originally published in Savage Sex, vol. 4, no. 2, April/May 1972. Credited to "Dick Trent."

Synopsis: Married businessman Dave Caufield has been having a hot-and-heavy affair with his secretary Tina for three months. Little does Dave know that Tina secretly despises him and is only pretending to be interested in him because of his money and power. After another lovemaking session, Dave offers Tina the position of vice president. She eagerly accepts the job, thinking that it's the big break she's been waiting for. After she signs the contract, Dave takes off for "a couple of days" and leaves Tina in charge. She soon learns, though, that this new responsibility may be much more than she had bargained for.

Wood trademarks: Affair with secretary (cf. The Cocktail Hostesses); Scotch (cf. "The Wave Off"); phrase "I do believe you're insatiable" (compare to Necromania's "I do believe you have become insatiable"); nighties/negligees (cf. Glen or Glenda); marabou (cf. The Bride and the Beast); angora (cf. Ed Wood, Look Back in Angora).

Excerpt: "His hands flew from her all over again and he backed up a step and his eyes narrowed. Suddenly his hands lashed out and tore the flimsy nightgown and negligee until there was nothing left to hold it together and the material fell in soft cloud-like folds at her feet. Then he knelt before her and took her as he had not taken her the night before."

Reflections: When I reviewed Blood Splatters Quickly: The Collected Stories of Edward D. Wood, Jr. back in 2014, I called Ed Wood the "O. Henry of the damned." And that has proven to be the case again with the stories in Angora Fever. Like William Sydney Porter (pen name O. Henry), Eddie sure had a flair for those twist endings. You can generally count on Eddie's characters to misrepresent themselves deliberately to one another. Either they're not the people they claimed to be or they had some dark ulterior motive the whole time or both. Eddie's characters never level with each other. Maybe that's the influence of a lifetime in show business.

While thinking about Ed Wood and his customary surprise endings, I couldn't help but think of a 1981 SCTV sketch called "Short Story Playhouse" in which John Candy plays O. Henry. The writer's latest story has a suicidal waiter being attacked -- utterly out of nowhere -- by a lion in a posh club. Everyone except O. Henry himself insists that this is the worst, most ridiculous twist he's ever come up with and that his writing days are over. Despondent, but still sure that a lion is "a fine surprise ending," poor O. Henry plans to shoot himself when, all of a sudden... well, I won't spoil it, but it involves a lion.

"The Responsibility Game" also takes us back to the Golden Age of Office Lechery, back when nobody had even heard of the term sexual harassment. These were the days when businessmen guzzled down Scotch by the gallon, then chased their secretaries around big oak desks. The Cocktail Hostesses (1973) takes place in this same basic milieu. I worked office jobs for years in the 2000s and 2010s, and my time in corporate America was absolutely nothing like this at all. My experience was closer to The Office, only minus the jokes and the shenanigans.

Next: "Where Did Charlie Get On the Train" (1971)

Ed Wood's ANGORA FEVER: "Like a Hole in the Head" (1971)

Hollywood is such a meat market sometimes!

NOTE: This article continues my coverage of Angora Fever: The Collected Short Stories of Edward D. Wood, Jr. (BearManor Bare, 2019).

Pendulum magazine.

The story: "Like a Hole in the Head," originally published in Pendulum, vol. 3, no. 1, November/December 1971. Credited to "Dick Trent."

Synopsis: Barbara, 20, is a sweet, uncomplicated supermarket cashier who has dreams of maybe being a dental hygienist someday. Her half-sister Terri, 25, wants to make it as an actress in Hollywood and is trying to sleep her way to the top by bedding some bit players, has-been stars, and low-rent producers. She's getting nowhere, though, because her voice -- fine in person -- sounds terrible when recorded. In her frustration, Terri tries to get a very reluctant Barbara to follow her into show business. After a few dance lessons, Barbara starts becoming more enthusiastic and begins socializing with some mysterious people whom Terri does not know. One day, Barbara disappears without a trace, and Terri doesn't learn the truth until she reads a newspaper article about her sister's terrible fate.

Wood trademarks: Virtuous character named Barbara (cf. Glen or Glenda); cautionary tale about young, aspiring actresses in Hollywood (cf. Hollywood Rat Race, The Sinister Urge); the line "Who put you in the psychiatrist's chair?" (compare to Love Feast's "What are you trying to do, psychoanalyze me?"); marabou (cf. "The Hazards of the Game"); nighties (cf. "The Hazards of the Game," "Unfriendly Persuasion"); sweaters (cf. "Hitchhike to Hell," "Gore in the Alley," many more stories in this collection).

Excerpt: "Even dramatic school hadn’t helped any. She sounded beautiful in her normal voice. But it just wouldn’t record. There are many people so inflicted. They just won’t record. But Terri still found this hard to believe… in fact, she wasn’t going to believe it. But deep in her subconscious she wanted someone who would be of a lesser entity in the business she could lord it over."

Reflections: Ed Wood is very consistent in his portrayal of young actresses trying to make it in Hollywood. It's a dreadful mistake, he advises. Don't even try it. You'll just wind up being used and abused -- possibly even raped, enslaved, or worse. While there are legitimate producers in town, wannabe starlets are more apt to encounter predatory sleazeballs. I'm pretty sure that "Like a Hole in the Head," a story whose title is never adequately explained, is the worst case scenario. I only hope that this story was purely a fantasy on Eddie's part and that its depiction of human trafficking is not based on any real-life operation.

What struck me most about this story was Terri's relationship to Barbara. The younger woman is portrayed as sweet and innocent, though she does admit she's "been laid before." Terri, on the other hand, is the proverbial fallen woman, already degraded by the time we meet her. In the paragraph that introduces Terri, Ed Wood writes that she has "some minute lines which could be seen when she took the light make-up off each night before retiring." She's damaged goods, in other words, especially when compared to Barbara.

This story is about how Terri selfishly drags Barbara down to her level and ends up destroying the poor girl in the process. At the beginning of "Like a Hole in the Head," Ed informs us that Terri and Barbara "loved each other as sisters should," but we see little evidence of that love here. Why does Terri do this horrible thing to Barbara? One of Terri's boyfriends, Ted, thinks he's figured it out. “You ain’t making it in the business," he says, "and you want her to get in and flop on her ass also. In that way you have somebody close to you that you can look down on.” Terri originally rejects this idea, but when she finally accepts it, it's too late to do any good.

The lesson here? Be good to your siblings.

Next: "The Responsibility Game" (1972)

Ed Wood's ANGORA FEVER: "Unfriendly Persuasion" (1971)

A vision in orange and white.

NOTE: This article continues my coverage of Angora Fever: The Collected Short Stories of Edward D. Wood, Jr. (BearManor Bare, 2019).

The story: "Unfriendly Persuasion," originally published in The Boy Friends, vol. 3, no. 2, May/June 1971. No author credited.

Synopsis: Martin is an extremely attractive young hustler who routinely dresses in drag as "Marion" and picks up male customers at cocktail lounges and bars. It's not that he prefers women's clothing, just that dressing as a pretty girl is the easiest way to attract men. Besides, with his soft features, Martin makes a very convincing woman. Since he has no breasts, he keeps his bra on when he's with a customer. And since he has no vagina, he tells clients its his "time of the month" and satisfies them with his mouth instead. They never catch on. One night, he picks up a customer named Tommy and takes him back to his apartment. But Tommy has a secret of his own!

Wood trademarks: Cross-dressing (cf. Killer in Drag, Death of a Transvestite); phrase "strange as it may seem" (cf. Glen or Glenda); color pink (cf. "2 X Double"); angora sweater (a cardigan this time); sweaters in general; the word "groin" (cf. Death of a Transvestite); cocktail lounge (cf. The Cocktail Hostesses); prostitution (cf. "Private Girl"); gender switcheroo (cf. "Super Who?").

Excerpt: "She wished she had a hole instead of a pole… after all, she was a whore and she knew it… a male whore in female dress, but a whore nevertheless… women whores could do so much more with their clients."

Louis Armstrong's last stand.

Reflections: In early August of 1970, just a few months before this story was published, jazz great Louis Armstrong recorded what was to be his obscure final studio album, Louis 'Country & Western' Armstrong, at a grungy facility in New York with a group of Nashville session men. By any standards, it's a bizarre LP. Armstrong, who turned 69 during these very sessions, was clearly in fading health and would be dead within the year. The great Satchmo plays not one note on his trumpet but instead croaks his way through a dozen country (and country rock) classics, his famous voice even more hoarse and crackly than usual.

To say the least, the critical reputation of Louis 'Country & Western' Armstrong is poor. In fact, I first learned of the album's existence due to the inclusion of one of its tracks, "Almost Persuaded," on Golden Throats, Vol. 3: Sweethearts of Rodeo Drive, a 1995 Rhino compilation album of misguided C&W records by tone-deaf celebrities. There, it sat alongside such justly forgotten tracks as "I Walk the Line" by Leonard Nimoy and "Your Cheatin' Heart" by Buddy Ebsen. Like Ed Wood's own movies and books, Satchmo's final album has been categorized as a campy "so bad it's good" curiosity.

And yet, there's something about Louis 'Country & Western' Armstrong I find undeniably compelling. As with much of Ed Wood's work, there's a vulnerable, unguarded quality to this LP that makes it stand out among other, slicker records. When I first heard Satchmo's take on "Almost Persuaded" in 1995, my first reaction was incredulous laughter -- the very same initial reaction I'd had to Ed Wood's movies in the '90s. But now I hear the years of experience and heartache in Armstrong's voice. The narrator of the song is remembering his experiences "last night all alone in a barroom," and Louis' woozy performance does suggest a man who is deeply hungover and regretful.

I guess I'm writing about all this because I immediately thought of "Almost Persuaded" while reading "Unfriendly Persuasion." The titles are similar, for one thing, and both use the phrase "ruby red lips." In the song, a temptress possesses "ruby red lips, coal black hair, and eyes that would tempt any man." In Ed's story, Martin/Marion asserts, "All the guy was interested in were her ruby red lips, and what they could do for him." And, then, both the song and the story are about picking people up in bars. As stories like this attest, Ed Wood spent much of his life in barrooms and lounges -- places that manage to be lonely even when crowded with people -- so I like to think he would have been the ideal audience for a song like "Almost Persuaded." The song even has one of Eddie's signature twist endings!

Next: "Like a Hole in the Head" (1971)

Ed Wood's ANGORA FEVER: "Captain Fellatio Hornblower" (1971)

You and the cap'n make it happen.

NOTE: This article continues my coverage of Angora Fever: The Collected Short Stories of Edward D. Wood, Jr. (BearManor Bare, 2019).

Boy Friends, vol. 3., no. 3

The story: "Captain Fellatio Hornblower," originally published in The Boy Friends, vol. 3, no. 3 (1971). Uncredited but listed on Ed Wood's own resume.

Synopsis: Lawyer Ralph H. Hornblower, a former Navy ensign during World War II, has earned the nickname Captain Fellatio Hornblower both for his legal skills and for the fact that he specializes in representing gay clients. Homosexual men are frequently busted by the police, and the smart ones with money come right to Hornblower. The sly attorney, with his showmanship and liberal use of salacious language, rarely loses a case. Many of his clients are busted repeatedly and come back to him. Currently, he's representing a man named Paul Mestroni, who was caught in a car with a young sailor. Hornblower takes the case but doesn't want any sexual favors from Mestroni. "You're not my type," he reasons.

Wood trademarks: Punning title (cf. "Missionary Position Impossible"); wealthy, successful homosexual (cf. "Superfruit"); emphasis on "the facts" (classic Wood signature, cf. Plan 9 from Outer Space, Glen or Glenda, much more); cheap wine (cf. "To Kill a Saturday Night"); alcoholism (another detail from Ed Wood's own life); expression "it takes one to know one" (cf. Ed's novel It Takes One to Know One); muddled plea for tolerance (cf. Glen or Glenda).

Excerpt: "He had a good voice, a resounding one when he wanted, but most of all he had convincing tones which could sway the hardest of jurors. And strange as it may seem, it appeared most of the time that the jurors were waiting to be swayed and enjoyed the process. He was a showman from the word go, and along with the medical terms for the things his deviate clients might have perpetrated, he sparsed his words with the hardcore terms which shocked, but enlightened the listeners."

Reflections: To my knowledge, Ed Wood only made a few attempts to adapt his dozens of short stories for the screen. We know he turned "Final Curtain" into an unsold TV pilot, for instance. He supposedly filmed a version of "The Night the Banshee Cried" with Valda Hansen, too, but this potentially fascinating artifact has never come to light. The basic plot of Necromania is retold in both a novel (The Only House) and a short story ("Come Inn"), and I honestly don't know which of the three arrived first. And Eddie had definite plans for an anthology film that would adapt "To Kill a Saturday Night," "Epitaph for the Town Drunk," and "Mice on a Cold Cellar Floor," but these plans never came to fruition.

It's doubtful that Eddie ever planned to adapt "Captain Fellatio Hornblower" for the big screen, but if he had, there's only one person who could have played the title role -- Eddie himself. I feel confident in asserting that Ed Wood partially based this smooth-talking, jury-dazzling lawyer on himself. This gleefully duplicitous character reminds me so much of another Wood role, i.e. that lecherous old liar Mr. Murphy from Love Feast (1969). Wood must have had some residual fondness for the lawyer character, too since he brought him back in "The Return of Captain Fellatio Hornblower" in Man to Man, vol. 1, no. 2. from July/August 1973.

We can also use this story as an opportunity to reflect on Eddie's tolerance or lack thereof for homosexuals. "Captain Fellatio Hornblower" was written at a time when American society largely treated homosexuality as both a mental illness and a crime. Hornblower may use legal trickery to defend his clients -- all of whom are guilty, he says -- but he doesn't think they deserve to be locked up simply for being gay. "There is no harm in the makeup of the homo," Wood writes. "Leave him alone and he is bound to leave society alone." By 1971 standards, that's progressive.

Next: "Unfriendly Persuasion" (1971)

Ed Wood's ANGORA FEVER: "Starve Hell" (1973)

This is as much of the artwork as I can show you.

NOTE: This article continues my coverage of Angora Fever: The Collected Short Stories of Edward D. Wood, Jr. (BearManor Bare, 2019).

An issue of Boy Play.

The story: "Starve Hell," originally published in Boy Play Annual (1973).

Synopsis: Ronnie, a dim-witted but enormously well-endowed dropout, is barricaded in his depressing, squalid apartment on a cold night in Los Angeles. He's down to his last few cans of food, and the manager wants to kick him out because he can't even pay the $5 a week rent. He'd lost his restaurant job when he was caught in a compromising position with a waitress in the storeroom. Angry after being fired, he'd unwittingly gone to a gay bar and struck up a conversation with a young man who then invited him back to his place for whiskey. The young man had offered to become Ronnie's "manager" and pimp him out, but Ronnie had responded by punching him. Now, alone in his miserable apartment and near starvation, he reconsiders the proposal.

Wood trademarks: Poverty, squalor, and the inability to pay the rent (all factors in Ed Wood's own real life); whiskey (cf. "The Hazards of the Game," "A Taste for Blood," "The Last Void"); descent into prostitution (cf. "The Hooker," "Never a Stupid Reflection").

Excerpt: "A lot of the girls, most of them that he’d ever met, fell head over heels for him. He never had any trouble in getting them to lay down and spread their legs for him. They liked what he had between his legs, and they all wanted to try him on for size. Most of them couldn’t take his entire shaft. He was built much too big for most of the girls…. But he kept trying. In fact, if he didn’t ask the girls outright, they were all set to rape him and take what they wanted."

Reflections: My colleague Greg Dziawer contributed this particular story to Angora Fever from his own collection, and it's a lively and sometimes startling example of Ed Wood's writing for gay-themed magazines. Our protagonist, Ronnie, must be Eddie's idea of a gay man's fantasy: straight, violent, well-hung, and dumb as a post. In fact, this story can be considered Ed's depiction of the phenomenon known as "rough trade." These are heterosexual, blue-collar men -- usually brutish in manner -- who allow submissive gay men to service them, often in exchange for money. In such encounters, the gay man may experience verbal or physical abuse and runs the risk of being assaulted or even robbed. It's important for Ed to point out that Ronnie is seemingly every straight woman's fantasy as well.

"Starve Hell" is also one of Ed Wood's stories about living in poverty in L.A., something he obviously knew a lot about by 1973. He writes with a lot of specificity here, as when he describes the broken-down Murphy bed in Ronnie's disgusting apartment: "The hinges had long years ago rusted away… the bed clothes smelled of silverfish and mold." That paints a picture, doesn't it? I had no idea silverfish even had a particular smell. That's the kind of detail you only get with real, first-person experience. There must have been a few occasions when Eddie, like Ronnie, ate Spam straight from the can. (In Nightmare of Ecstasy, Richard Bojarski recalls a down-and-out Eddie eating canned spaghetti with his wife.)

Incidentally, the phrase "starve hell" serves as both the title and the punchline of this little fable, but I'd never heard it before. Apparently, it was a common expression in Ed Wood's world. In fact, when I Googled the phrase, this very story was one of the top results. Was it a New York thing? Have you ever heard it?

Next: "Captain Fellatio Hornblower" (1971)

Ed Wood's ANGORA FEVER: "So Soon to be an Angel" (1971)

Try not to think about the Starbucks logo.

NOTE: This article continues my coverage of Angora Fever: The Collected Short Stories of Edward D. Wood, Jr. (BearManor Bare, 2019).

Eddie had a thing for strippers.

The story: "So Soon to be an Angel," originally published in Garter Girls, vol. 5, no. 2, June/July 1971. No author listed.

Synopsis: A stripper named Angel (age: 22, real name: Rebecca Stunisky) performs her famous Fire Dance at an unnamed club. She can't really dance, but the men are there to admire her incredible body. Angel has nothing but contempt for men and takes out a lot of abuse on Perry, a gay man who serves as her masseur, dresser, and personal assistant. She mocks him and calls him "Percy." During their post-show conversation, it emerges that Angel had previously fired Perry and then forced him to make love to her to be rehired. Angel starts to feel woozy from the alcohol she's been guzzling, and she realizes too late that she's about to become a literal angel.

Wood trademarks: Angels (cf. "Super Who?"); disgruntled stripper (cf. "Flowers for Flame LeMarr"); Scotch (cf. "Blood Splatters Quickly," "The Wave Off"); bourbon (cf. "The Wave Off"); term "rot gut"for cheap, bad alcohol (cf. "Calamity Jane"); feathers as apparel (cf. Orgy of the Dead).

Excerpt: "All she thought of was the tinny music, a beat to which her feet found a certain rhythm. She hated that cruddy music. She felt her legs were designed for dancing to better orchestrations… orchestrations, hell, that bunch didn’t even have sheet music… They blew right off the top of their heads. Sometimes it sounded like they had taken the tops off their heads with the blow."

Reflections: A few stories back, while reviewing "The Last Void," I wondered whether Ed Wood were a misogynist. He has a lot of deceitful, vengeful, selfish, and untrustworthy women in his short stories. That's certainly true of Angel in this story, which seems almost like a companion piece to "Flowers for Flame LeMarr." They're both about vain, temperamental strippers whose careers come to a sudden end, though "Flowers" is slightly more forgiving. Maybe Ed mellowed a bit between 1971 and 1973.

Now is also the time to consider whether Eddie had homophobic tendencies. Critics often point out the repeated assertions in Glen or Glenda (1953) that the title character "is not a homosexual." And there are stereotypical, limp-wristed, lavender-scented gay characters in Wood films like Take It Out in Trade (1970) and The Beach Bunnies (1976). Furthermore, Eddie uses the epithet "faggot" in this and other stories in Angora Fever. And yet, I think the author's sympathies probably lie with Perry in this instance. They certainly don't lie with Angel! Other than poisoning his boss, Perry seems like a perfectly reasonable man. And it was obviously wrong for Angel to sexually abuse him in the manner described here.

By the way, Eddie's normally good about working specific elements into his stories to suit the needs of whatever publication had hired him. But "So Soon to be an Angel" appeared in a magazine called Garter Girls, and do you think I could find even one lousy garter in this thing? And it's not like there weren't opportunities. As in most Ed Wood stories, there is a great deal of discussion of what the main female character is wearing throughout "So Soon to be An Angel." Perry wants to garb her in angelic white, while she insists on demonic red. But neither one even mentions a garter!

Next: "Starve Hell" (1973)

Ed Wood's ANGORA FEVER: "Florence of Arabia" (1971)

This isn't a David Lean movie, that's for sure!

NOTE: This article continues my coverage of Angora Fever: The Collected Short Stories of Edward D. Wood, Jr. (BearManor Bare, 2019).

Is this poster a turn-on?

The story: "Florence of Arabia," originally published in An Illustrated Study of Voyeurism, vol. 2, no. 3, November/December 1971.

Synopsis: Johnny Torrance, otherwise the picture of virility, is having trouble achieving an erection. The only thing that gets him excited anymore is voyeurism. But the people he watches have to be ignorant of his presence. Otherwise it doesn't work. Johnny's not having much luck in the big city, spying on people through a telescope from his fifteenth story apartment. (Smaller towns held more opportunities for peeping but also more risk of getting caught.) Unfortunately, the people Johnny spies on all seem to be too busy watching TV to make love. Either that, or they have their shades drawn. He's about to give up and move to the other side of town when he spots a lovely young lady whose kink is stripping in front of her Lawrence of Arabia poster. This seems to be the find of a lifetime, until the woman reveals something that sends our man right over the edge.

Wood trademarks: Punning title (cf. "Missionary Position Impossible," "Captain Fellatio Hornblower"); voyeurism (cf. Wood's abandoned project The Peeper); sweaters (cf. "Super Who?"); winos and alleys (cf. "Hitchhike to Hell"); gender switcheroo (cf. "Super Who?"); euphemisms like "dork" and "dong" (cf. many stories in Blood Splatters Quickly).

Excerpt: “But somebody behind all those windows must be doing it. How in hell do they propagate the race around here? They are always telling in the papers that the big city birthrates are higher than anywhere else in the world. Then how in hell do they make babies if they sit in front of their televisions all night?”

Reflections: Pornography's a funny business. For some people, the basics are enough. Give them some female nudity and some no-frills intercourse between attractive people, and they're satisfied. Late night cable TV is full of that stuff. But for certain individuals, it takes something extra, maybe something extremely specific, to satisfy them. A kink. A fetish. A very particular set of circumstances. And this is where people can get into trouble. What if your particular fetish is dangerous, illegal, or extremely impractical? What if it's simply very rare? And what if, like a drug addict with a high tolerance level, you wind up needing something more and more extreme each time in order to achieve release?

That seems to be what's happening to poor Johnny Torrance. Voyeurism is his game, and I think he'd be the first to admit that the game sucks. "Florence of Arabia" isn't one of Ed Wood's horror stories, but Johnny's life as a peeper has turned him almost into a vampire, a predatory creature of the night always worrying about that next fix. Dracula craves the taste of blood; Johnny craves the sight of flesh. But, just as with being a vampire, there are all these inconvenient rules for being a true voyeur. Pornographic films, for instance, don't do it for Johnny. And he gets no kick from "swinging societies" either. What fun is watching when the people want you to watch?

I have to wonder about the intended readers of this story, though. If they're buying something called An Illustrated Study of Voyeurism, they're obviously into peeping themselves, if only theoretically. But would they be satisfied by reading about someone else's experiences? Johnny wouldn't be. And what about that surprise ending to the story? Is that a fetish within a fetish, or is Ed just being a little stinker and ruining everyone's orgasm?

P.S. According to Rudolph Grey's Nightmare of Ecstasy (1992), Eddie planned to make a movie called The Peeper in 1960. It was to be a sequel to The Sinister Urge. The abandoned script "once again featured the detectives of The Sinister Urge, Lt. Matt Carson and Sgt. Randy Stone, as they attempt to crack a series of sexually motivated murders of attractive women. The culprit is a homicidal peeping tom." Wood went to work for Autonetics instead of making this movie, but he got to return to that theme with this story over a decade later.

Next: "So Soon to be an Angel" (1971) 

Ed Wood's ANGORA FEVER: "Super Who?" (1972)

NOTE: This article continues my coverage of Angora Fever: The Collected Short Stories of Edward D. Wood, Jr. (BearManor Bare, 2019).

The pages of Fetish magazine!

The story: "Super Who?" originally published in Fetish Annual (1972). Credited to "Ann Gora." Philip R. Frey reports that the story also appeared in Fig Leaf, vol. 2, no. 2, April/May 1973.

Synopsis: A sexy young lady in a tight-fitting sweater and miniskirt has been robbing local businesses. Her most recent target is a loan office. Detective Lieutenant Art Reason and Detective Rance Clanton are on the case. The thief always wears the same basic outfit, complete with boots and a purse. The cops learn that the mysterious bandit has murdered an elderly female bookkeeper at her latest job. Now this is a homicide investigation. When Lt. Reason learns that all of the targeted businesses have been located near vacant lots with phone booths, he thinks he may have cracked the case. And the criminal, known only as The Angel, may have a surprising secret of her own!

Wood trademarks: Title with "Super" in it (cf. "Superfruit"); sweaters (cf. Glen or Glenda); angora (in this case, a minidress made of the stuff); sexy female criminal (cf. The Violent Years, Devil Girls, Fugitive Girls); robbery that turns to murder (cf. Jail Bait); cross dressing (cf. Glen or Glenda, "Blood Splatters Quickly"); character named Rance (one of Ed's most-used names, cf. "Superfruit," "Breasts of the Chicken," "Epitaph for the Village Drunk," etc.)

Excerpt: "Her face was well made up, the lips pouted in their deep redness, and her blue eyes were enhanced by the light blue makeup over the upper eyelids… the face of an Angel… but she was no Angel."

Reflections: A book like Angora Fever is naturally going to attract the attention of those who know Ed Wood mainly from his 1950s films rather than his writing. Those fans might find themselves somewhat adrift during the first few stories in this collection, which are mostly grisly horror and crime fiction with some pornographic elements. They came here for UFOs on strings, and they got hobos being mangled in back alleys. "Super Who?" might, therefore, be closer to what people are expecting from Eddie.

For one thing, this story is a police procedural, just like most of the movies from Eddie's classic period, including Glen or Glenda, Plan 9 from Outer Space, Jail Bait, The Sinister Urge, Bride of the Monster, and Night of the Ghouls. Lt. Reason and Det. Clanton could be characters from any one of those movies. It's easy to imagine Kenne Duncan or Duke Moore in these roles. They're dour, hardworking cops who go through a lot of coffee and cigarettes while working a tough case. And, best of all, they exchange some terse, Jack Webb-style dialogue. Check out this beautiful example:

      Reason put the coffee cup on the far side of the desk and lit up a cigarette. He let the smoke ring his head then drift off into nothingness. “I want that broad. I want her on our most wanted list.”
     “We got some harder customers around which rate that spot.”
     “Not the way I figure it.”
     “How’s that?”
     “She carries a gun. My guess is it’s loaded. And sooner or later that loaded gun is going to go off and our thief will become a killer. Got me?”
     The detective nodded in agreement. “She goes on the most wanted list.”

All that's missing is the famous four-note musical stinger from Dragnet: dum-da-dum-dum!

If people are only familiar with Ed Wood's movies and don't know his fiction at all, "Super Who?" might be a good gateway drug for them. Most of the story is told from the perspective of the cops, the representatives of law and order, and justice is served at the end of the story. But there's a brief passage that gets into the mind of the killer as well, explaining that she'd killed before and might just kill again. "They could only hang her once," she reasoned. "Hell, they didn't even do that anymore!" So it's still in keeping with Eddie's more unhinged crime fiction.

Next: "Florence of Arabia" (1971)