Sunday, August 28, 2011


I wouldn't feel too badly for our plumber "friend." Look at what he's driving: a brightly-painted panel van with the passenger side door welded shut. Clearly, Zomby is doing the world a favor by removing this sicko from society. 

Saturday, August 27, 2011

The true origin of "Bow Chicka Wow Wow"

It didn't start with this guy, that's for sure.

"Bow chicka wow wow."

That little bit of onomatopoeia has slowly infiltrated the English language over the course of 20 years. Urban Dictionary defines it as (among other things) a "verbal means of referencing a sexual encounter" or "a poor imitation of pornographic like music." So the term BCWW can refer to sex itself or to the bass-heavy music heard in pornographic films, particularly those of the 1970s. The term has become so commonplace that there is even a song about it -- "Bow Chicka Wow Wow" by Mike Posner featuring Lil Wayne. 

But where did the phrase originate? Who came up with the idea of verbally mimicking the music from 1970s porno flicks? I distinctly remember the phrase first being used as part of a stand-up comedy routine in either the late 1980s or early 1990s. With a little "Google fu," I think I have tracked down the creator of this concept: a stand-up comedian named Jordan Brady. He performed this routine on an early 1990s stand-up show called The A-List. 

Jordan Brady doing his famous "bow chicka wow wow" bit.

This comedy routine was widely seen in the '90s, and kids started imitating it at school pretty quickly. But, somehow, Brady's name is no longer attached to this famous catchphrase. Hopefully, this article sets a few people straight.
NOTE FROM THE BLOGGER: Week after week, this is the most-read article on this blog. How are people even finding it? And why? If you read this, please let me know at


And now that we're past the unpleasant formalities, it's time for the main attraction. C'MON, JESSICA ALBA, SHOW US YOUR PUGS!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Do yourself a favor and watch this clip: Bob & Ray on "The Tonight Show"

No better comedy team ever existed than that of Bob and Ray.

For over 50 years, the comedy team of Bob Elliott and Ray Goulding -- better known simply as Bob & Ray -- was a familiar feature on radio and television. With their deadpan, mock-serious style, they were hugely influential on a whole generation of other writers and comedians. It's no exaggeration to say that these guys are two of the architects of modern comedy. Ray passed on in 1990, but Bob's still around. In fact, he started something of a comedy dynasty. Bob's son is Chris Elliott and his granddaughter is Abby Elliott.

The clip above is from one of the team's performances on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. There's a lot more of the team at


And here's a picture of Kim Kardashian with that dude she married...

And here's a picture of their wedding (AS SEEN FROM SPACE!!!!)

Sunday, August 21, 2011

ZOMBY: Hey, at least you're employed, pal!

Wayne invades the Zed Word Zombie Blog... again!

Try as you may, you can't contain the Wayne.

That's right. I just made a cameo appearance on ANOTHER blog, specifically the beloved Zed Word Zombie Blog. The blog's author, Aaron, is currently running a series of articles about "the sexy and sleazy side of zombies" under the heading of Hot Zombie Nights, and I was only too happy to contribute a review of the 1965 classic Orgy of the Dead, written by Ed Wood and starring Criswell.

Here's a direct link to my article. Unfortunately, I have no recollection whatsoever of composing this review and must have written it immediately after taking an entire bottle of Dristan.

Of course, you can always find Aaron's lovingly-maintained blog at:

Saturday, August 20, 2011

ZOMBY: Quoth the whatever-kind-of-bird-that-is, "Nevermore!"

Social Media Vs. Zombies!

I found this interesting chart on the BuzzFeed website.

While I can't speak for social media addicts, I can and will speak for the living impaired when it comes to the accuracy of these statements.

1. They never sleep.

False. We sleep. In fact, I'm about to nod off right now. In fact, I sleep a good 10-15 hours a day on average, probably more. It's no coincidence that death is sometimes called "the big dirt nap."

2. They're focused on one thing, and it's hard to distract them.

False. The living impaired, especially those who have very recently "returned," are easy to distract. Try it yourself sometime. If you are ever cornered by a "zombie," try jangling your keys. Or if there is a tennis ball nearby, pick it up and show it to the zombie while saying something like, "See the ball? See the ball?" Then throw it and see what happens.

3. They come in groups.

Often, though not always, true. Naturally, I'm a team-builder and group-leader type of guy. But there are zombie loners. Whatever your personality was like in life, that's basically what it'll be in death.

4. They lose body parts in the process.

Regrettably true, as I know from first-hand experience. Things do fall off. But science is making wonderful strides in the area of lifelike prostheses... which I'd be happy to demonstrate in person, ladies.

5. Hygiene is last on the list.

Absolutely false. Now, this is where I start to lose patience with the "lame-stream" media and its horribly inaccurate depiction of the living impaired. The media loves to portray us as being filthy and unsanitary, but this is simply not the case.... which I'd be happy to demonstrate in person, ladies.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Being ZOMBY's pet? Oh, yeah, that would suck. Big time.

Rejoice! I'm making ZOMBY!!! a regular/semiregular feature of the Dead 2 Rights blog again. Please continue to check in for new installments!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Things that aren't completely awful, despite what everyone says.

Pat Boone, a singer who has inspired hatred and ridicule -- only some of which is deserved.

Even after three years of doing Mail Order Zombie and two years of doing this blog, I realize that the living impaired still have a major image problem. People think of us as ravenous, brain-eating monsters and just want to shoot us right smack dab in the forehead. Now, that's being a little unfair, isn't it? Do we occasionally eat people's brains? Of course. But this does not negate our positive qualities, of which there are many. We can be creative, generous, witty, and lots of other positive adjectives, but you rarely hear about these. The public has made up its mind, apparently.

Well, I think that stinks (if you'll pardon my French). Zombies are not alone, however, in being unfairly maligned. That's why I've decided to use this post as a tribute to....


Let's start off with an easy one.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Name That Tune: 12 songs you didn't know you knew

Logo of the famous CBS game show Name That Tune.

If you've ever had the frustrating experience of trying to identify a song to which you don't know the lyrics -- or which may not even have lyrics -- here is the article for you. This is a collection of very familiar melodies with obscure or little-known titles, many or most of which I learned from old cartoons.

By the way, if you enjoy this article, THERE'S A SEQUEL RIGHT HERE.

1. "La Cumparsita"

The one piece of tango music you definitely know, "La Cumparsita" ("The Little Parade") has its origins in a melody composed in 1916 by Gerardo Matos Rodriguez as an Uruguayan carnival march. Argentinian bandleader Roberto Firpo was the one who turned it into a tango. Apparently, both Argentina and Uruguay have tried to claim the song, but in truth it belongs to the world.

2. "The Streets of Cairo" (a.k.a. "The Snake Charmer" or "The Poor Little Country Maid")

Ripped off by everyone from Steve Martin to Ke$ha.

3. "The Year of Jubilo" (a.k.a. "Kingdom Coming")

That one Civil War song that kinda sounds like "Dixie" but isn't "Dixie."

4. "The Arkansas Traveler"

Bet you thought this one was called "I'm Bringing Home a Baby Bumblebee."

5. "Moonlight Serenade"

Marge Simpson's mom's favorite song.

6. "The Sailor's Hornpipe"

No, it didn't start life as Popeye's theme song.

7. "Sing, Sing, Sing"

Funny title for an instrumental, but I'll allow it.

8. "Pick Up the Pieces"

Want to instantly establish that your movie or TV show takes place in the 1970s? Play this song.

9. "Entry of the Gladiators"

Gladiators, clowns. Same difference.

10. "The Irish Washerwoman"

I used this once on Mail Order Zombie. If you can find that bit, it's probably my favorite thing I've ever done for the show.

11. "Soulful Strut"

A whole generation will know this as "That was a moment! That was a spring break moment! That's all there is!"

12. "Night Train"

Yup, it's the song playing in the background at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance in Back to the Future. Kinda raunchy for that environment.

Don't forget to check out the sequel to this article for more mystery songs!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Was Bob Dylan's "Positively 4th Street" actually written by a 13-year-old girl?

Bob Dylan circa 1965; Inset: 8th grader Janice Pembroke


Bob Dylan's blistering 1965 single, "Positively 4th Street,"
holds a vaunted place in popular culture. A Top 10 smash in both the United States and Canada in the year of its release, the song was soon covered by numerous artists including The Byrds and Johnny Rivers. Over the ensuing decades, it has been included on several popular Dylan compilations (such as Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits and Biograph) and even landed a place on Rolling Stone's list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. Still to this day, it remains a staple on oldies and classic rock radio. By all accounts, the song was a major success and helped to define the Dylan mystique in the early years of his career.

But was it also an example of musical theft?

Let's examine the facts. Rock historians have long debated the exact meaning of "Positively 4th Street" and its scathing, bitter lyrics. Who is the true target of Dylan's screed? Is it Sing Out editor Irwin Silber, who criticized Dylan's decision to "go electric?" Is it a rival folk singer, like Phil Ochs or Tom Paxton? Is it an ex-girlfriend? Or is it a general attack on the residents of Greenwich Village?

Here is my dark horse theory: the song's lyrics were actually the work of a 13-year-old junior high school student named Janice Pembroke, who was going door-to-door in the Village trying to sell candy bars as part of a fundraiser for her school's Spanish Club. Although she failed to sell the up-and-coming Dylan an Almond Cluster bar, the two did get into a discussion of poetry, during which young Miss Pembroke shared with the singer a poem she had written after breaking up with her best friend, Cheryl Dusenbery. Dylan asked Pembroke if he could keep the poem as a souvenir. She agreed, only to be shocked to hear her own words coming out of the radio a few months later.

A quick examination of the song's lyrics demonstrate that this theory is not entirely far-fetched. Read them and decide who is the more likely author: a rock 'n' roll genius or a petulant and moody adolescent girl?
You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning. You got a lotta nerve to say you got a helping hand to lend. You just want to be on the side that’s winning. You say I let you down. You know it’s not like that. If you’re so hurt, why then don’t you show it? You say you lost your faith, but that’s not where it’s at. You had no faith to lose, and you know it

I know the reason that you talk behind my back. I used to be among the crowd you’re in with. Do you take me for such a fool to think I’d make contact with the one who tries to hide what he don’t know to begin with?

You see me on the street, you always act surprised. You say "how are you,” “good luck,” but you don’t mean it. When you know as well as me, you’d rather see me paralyzed. Why don’t you just come out once and scream it?

No, I do not feel that good when I see the heartbreaks you embrace. If I was a master thief, perhaps I’d rob them. And now I know you’re dissatisfied with your position and your place. Don’t you understand it’s not my problem?

I wish that for just one time, you could stand inside my shoes, and just for that one moment, I could be you. Yes, I wish that for just one time, you could stand inside my shoes, you’d know what a drag it is to see you
Perhaps we will never know the true origin of "Positively 4th Street." In any event, here is the famous, controversial song. Listen and make up your own mind.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Jerry Lewis and the evolution of the "typewriter" bit

Jerry Lewis, master of pantomime typing.

It's a simple formula, folks.
Well, it looks like 85-year-old comedy legend Jerry Lewis is in the news again, unceremoniously getting the boot from the MDA Telethon after half a century. I thought it was a good a time as any to revisit what is perhaps Mr. Lewis' most famous bit of all time, the classic wordless "typewriter" routine. You youngsters out there may not even know what a typewriter even is, let alone what it sounded like or how it operated. Let the Clown Prince of Comedy be your instructor, then, in the ways of obsolete technology. As we shall soon see, Mr. Lewis performed this routine many, many times over the years on television and in film. In all its incarnations, it is set to a piece of instrumental music called "The Typewriter" by Leroy Anderson, composer of "Sleigh Ride," "The Syncopated Clock," "Plink Plank Plunk," and many others.

1. Here he is on the Colgate Comedy Hour in the 1950s, when he and Dean Martin were like rock stars. I mean, seriously, you have no idea how huge they were back then.

2. So now it's 1963. Jerry has gone solo by this point, but he's still doing the same bit in the movie Who's Minding the Store?, only minus the wacky hair and the prop typewriter. I think it's actually funnier this way.

3. Basically the same as Clip #2, only it's a slightly older Jerry doing this bit in Paris, France -- the land where they love him best!

4. Later still... and in Germany in this time. You can kind of see the years of bitterness and resentment building up in Jerry's face.

Well, this particular video seems to have disappeared. In its place, here is a clip of Jerry pretending to learn to speak German. Enjoy.

5. Relegated to the sidelines, Jerry barely conceals his discomfort at watching some young punk imitate him... on his own telethon, yet!

BONUS CLIP: Yakko is clearly biting Jerry's style

Saturday, August 6, 2011

In honor of Lucille Ball's 100th birthday, here's a zombified "I Love Lucy" poster

This marvelous bit of fan art was done by Chuck Hodi whose personal website is right here.

MYSTERY RECORD: "He Was a Guitar Player and Now Plays Machine Gun"

Despite the apparent frivolity of this image, "He Was a Guitar Player" is a somber, haunting song.
Oh, the things you can find on YouTube.

Specifically I'm referring to a song called "He Was a Guitar Player and Now Plays Machine Gun," credited to Pompeo Stillo and the Companions. From the picture above, you might guess that this is some kind of cute Chipmunks-type novelty record, but it is actually a haunting folk ballad about the Vietnam War. 

Information about Pompeo Stillo is not easy to come by on the internet, and what's there is confusing. Although "He Was a Guitar Player" is in English, Pompeo himself seems to mainly perform in Italian. As recently as 2009, he released an album of Italian-language folk music on the Elca Sound label. That same year, he contributed to this album on the same label. I'm not sure when Pompeo recorded "Guitar Player," but it seems to be an earlier recording dating back to the late 1960s or early 1970s. Here's the one picture of that record I can find:

A 45 of Pompeo's song.

This photo actually shows the flip side, a song called "A Letter to My Mother from Vietnam." The label reads "Centaur Records," but I'm not sure if it's the Louisiana-based classical music label founded in 1976 or not. The label's current catalog features some world music, but nothing by Pompeo Stillo.

Pompeo does seem to have a home page, but it is in Italian. The Google translation reads as follows:
Welcome to the Home Page of Pompeo Stillo
Versatile artist, living in America for over thirty years where she operated a music store, records, CDs, videos and books exclusively Italian. It is of Calabrian origin and before emigrating was part of a famous Quintet Calabrese. For ten years he has also presented, for ten years directed the choir of St. Anthony, with whom he also recorded an album in the "Midnight Mass on Christmas" ('71). He composed much sacred music, including a "Mass for four voices" in Latin, two "Masses for three voices" in Italian, several of his successes in Calabrian dialect and language of which he wrote lyrics and music, interpreted by him, remember "Tenderness and distance" (presented at 1 Italian Song Festival in Boston), "wrote my mother," "The love of a mother", "Storm of the soul." Chosen by the "Folk Life of America", led for eleven years, the Italian folklore in the schools of Illinois. Lately, due to popular demand, several of his songs have been reworked and presented on the CD "The colors of my Calabria". Other CDs with his songs: "Pompeo Stillo - Nostalgia of the past" twenty-one songs in Italian, "The dance of Pompeo Stillo" (instrumental), "My songs Calabria" (in Calabrian dialect), and engraved on MC, "We vonnu lassi "(in Calabrian dialect) and" A strina Calabria "(Calabrian traditions). As a poet and writer, has published short stories and poems in the vernacular with the publisher Rubettino Calabria, while the Publisher Pellegrini has published his humorous tale in verse Calabrian "Jugal mparadisu". He has worked for various magazines and newspapers in Italian. He was assistant editor of the "Maroons Newsletter," sports newspaper in Chicago, '98 he published under the new name "Italy 2000" with 75% of the content in Italian (stories, poems, articles and various sports news).
Pompeo Stillo in December 2005 he published Montedit "The art of lying" - Lilies Collection (poetry) - 14x20, 5 - pp. 92 - Euro 8.50 - ISBN 88-6037-008-6
Pompeo Stillo on his home page (left) and 2009 album cover (right)

Interestingly, the home page includes a picture of Pompeo Stillo looking much older than he does on the cover of his 2009 album. So far, I have not been able to determine where Pompeo is actually from, how old he is, or when he might have recorded the "Guitar Player" song. "Guitar Player" does not seem to be available anywhere but this YouTube clip. The song was included on a 1999 Swedish compilation, but this seems to be long out of print. As for the fate of the Companions, I do not care to speculate.

Friday, August 5, 2011

A brief tribute to Murali: India's answer to Ron Swanson (NOW WITH QUOTES!)

It's been almost a year since the untimely passing of Tamil actor Murali (b. 1964 in Bangalore, India). Murali's films were little-seen in the United States, but his career spanned a quarter century in his homeland and would undoubtedly have continued for years to come had he not succumbed to a heart attack at the young age of 46.

Murali may still catch on in this country, however, due to his uncanny resemblance to Ron Swanson, the breakfast-loving libertarian played brilliantly by Nick Offerman on NBC's Parks & Recreation. I am posting this brief photographic tribute to Murali in the hopes that it will be seen by fans of the beloved Parks character.

(BONUS: The pics are now enhanced with genuine Ron Swanson quotes for your reading pleasure!)

RIP, Murali.

John Garfield

Today, Turner Classic Movies has been running a 24-hour tribute to actor John Garfield. I did a Google Image search for the actor's name, and I was kind of amused by the results.

One of these things is not like the other.