This is just a bunch of comics parodies and remixes, okay?

This book never existed, but don't you kind of remember it in bookstores anyway?

Look, I'll level with you. I was going through the images saved to my hard drive, deciding which ones to chuck, and I found some  comics parodies that I hadn't posted here yet. So I wanted to collect them in one big post before deleting them from my computer forever. That's what this post is. There's nothing else to this, so don't expect any incisive commentary.

See that fake Cathy book cover up there, for instance? It's a parody of this. Pretty basic switcheroo.

And here's a rewrite of Crankshaft. Here's the original for comparison. The title character's son-in-law, Jeff, is such a spineless sad sack that I wanted to give him just one moment to shine.

If only Jeff could show some backbone in the real comic.

Up next is a parody of this Six Chix. It's intended to be a behind-the-scenes shot of the making of the comic. I thought people would instantly recognize this famous photo of Frank Oz and Jim Henson. But not everyone did. Either way, the underlying joke isn't complicated: These two ladies look more like Muppets than people.

How'd you like to be the armpit guy?

A post like this wouldn't be complete without a couple of good-natured jabs at my homegirl Mary Worth. Recently, Mary's neighbor Iris got dumped by her chubby, bald, sandwich-inhaling boyfriend Wilbur. She did not take it well, and I thought there might be a good revenge flick in it. Iris has since moved on, and it is Wilbur who has come crawling back. (Thus far, to no avail.)

Meanwhile, Iris' all-yellow outfit would go over well at Charterstone.

I said Iris had moved on. Specifically, she has reuinted with her younger, hotter ex-boyfriend Zak. Unfortunately, their conversations have not been all that stimulating, as seen here (with a nod to Monty Python's The Meaning of Life):

Maybe they'd like to talk about the Steelers-Bears game.

Fortunately, their nights were a little more exciting.

Every Seinfeld viewer knows what "coffee" means.

Also this year, Wilbur's drab, aimless daughter Dawn got involved with a married doctor and (naturally) went to Mary for advice. Here's how that turned out: a hellish loop of bad conversation, to which I added a little Spongebob. I'm afraid you're going to have to click on this to see it at full size. I realize that's an extra step, and I apologize, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.

Make sure to  say "Two hours later" in a French accent.

Here's a quick Mary Worth/Marvin dialogue switch.

The more you know about these characters, the grosser this is.

But the comics page isn't all Mary Worth, you know. For instance, there's that insufferable prick The Amazing Spider-Man. He was being coy about his "different interests," so I decided to razz him a little.

And speaking of insufferable pricks, there's Garfield. I decided to give the title character an existential crisis, using narration and a thought balloon imported from Judge Parker. The original Judge Parker strip is included below for comparison's sake.

Oh, cats and their contemplative coffee drinking. So true to life!

Here's a Rex Morgan, M.D. spoof. And, yes, I did basically steal borrow this gag from Monty Python's "Death of Mary, Queen of Scots" sketch.

This woman broke a window, so don't feel too badly for her.

I thought of a very strange yet desperately needed spin-off from Gasoline Alley.

Sad Hat is more relatable than any of the human characters in the strip.

One more use of those oddball Six Chix characters.

Now featuring 100% less Kevin Spacey! 

There are few things more relaxing than removing all the characters and dialogue from Marvin. A modest example:

And you're left with a charming winter landscape.

Except maybe removing the punchline from Shoe.

Let's face it: That's how this conversation would really go.

A quick Mark Trail/Blade Runner crossover. Click to see at full size.

I'd like to thank Rutger Hauer for doing this.

Let's end this survey with a never-before-posted Beetle Bailey parody. Here's the original for comparison.

As a habitual gum chewer myself, I can relate to this.

Okay. That felt good. Now I can empty out my Images folder. There. Something accomplished.