Ed Wood Wednesdays, week 227: "Death Takes a Hell-A-Day" (1966)

Uncle Forry penned an introduction for one of Ed Wood's early novels.

I've made my way through many of Ed Wood's books from the 1960s and '70s, both fiction and nonfiction, and I've found that very few of them have introductions or preambles of any kind. Oh, Eddie will occasionally include a preface in one of his supposedly-factual "sociosex" paperbacks, like Suburbia Confidential (1967), which he wrote under the dubious pen name Dr. Emil Moreau. But generally, Eddie just liked to jump right in with Chapter One. No foreplay.

A definite exception is the 1966 novelization of Orgy of the Dead published by Greenleaf Classics. This book came out fairly early in Ed's writing career—it's actually the second book listed in the bibliography from Nightmare of Ecstasy (1992)—and it comes from the brief time when Ed's literary agent was Famous Monsters of Filmland founder Forrest J. "Uncle Forry" Ackerman. Unfortunately, since Forry was not really interested in drumming up work for Ed and seemed to hold him in outright contempt, their partnership was not terribly productive. While Forry mostly tried to duck Ed Wood by any means necessary, the beloved magazine editor did find time to pen a colorful little intro for the Orgy tie-in book.

While Orgy of the Dead has been republished several times since 1966, the Ackerman intro has kind of vanished into the ether in the ensuing decades. I've read this novel several times (and may review it here someday), but even I had never seen the book's original preface. I mentioned this on an Ed Wood Facebook forum recently, and my pleas were heard by the great W. Paul Apel, author of I Watched Football Early the Day I Died (2023). Paul was kind enough to send me the introduction, and I now pass that introduction on to you. I thought we could go over it together.

DEATH TAKES A HELL-A-DAY 

by Forrest J. Ackerman 

Sometimes I think I dreamed it. I mean—that title! 

But, no, once upon a time, about a million years ago, when I was a teenager, I really truly saw a fantastic film called...HELLEVISION! About an eccentric scientist who invented a TV device which tuned in on the Devil's domain.

Via charnel 13?

There were all kinds of fiery devils in the film, and damsels in distress, not to mention undress, as most of the demonic scenes were actually shock footage from a classic silent Italian version of DANTE'S INFERNO. It was (you should pardon the expression) a hell of a picture.

Time marched on.

Edward D. Wood, Jr., appeared on the film scene.

Wood made the weird Lugosi film variously known as GLEN OR GLENDA?, TRANSVESTITE, and/or I LED TWO LIVES.

Word reached horror fans that Wood was working on a monster movie called BRIDE OF THE ATOM and from out of the Wood work eventually crawled...BRIDE OF THE MONSTER. You may recall it. It was Lugosi's last big role, as Dr. Vornoff, who tampered with things man was meant to leave alone (the scripter's philosophy, not my own), tangled with the mute man-mountain Lobo (Tor Johnson), and wound up in the arms, or rather the tentacles, of a giant octopus, who put the squeeze on him for his last drop of blood.

Lugosi died in August, 1956. It is difficult to realize that he has been gone ten years, for in the hearts of horror fans, Lugosi Lives Eternal.

After Lugosi's demise the word was heard that Wood had somehow reprised him for an appearance in the appropriately titled GRAVE-ROBBERS FROM OUTER SPACE. The picture was previewed. The Lugosi footage was found to be, naturally, scenes shot before his death, now supernaturally incorporated into what was finally released as PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, with Vampira and Tor Johnson.

Wood once told me he still had enough unused footage left on Lugosi that he could put together a picture called either GHOULS OF THE MOON or THE UNDEAD MASSES.

Meantime...back at the graveyard.

A. C. Stevens and Astra Productions have produced, from Wood's story, the film ORGY OF THE DEAD. In widescreen and wide scream, not to overlook fresh red Bloodicolor, it is Horrorwood's answer to THE LOVED ONE. It might have been called THE UNLOVED ONES. 

In ORGY OF THE DEAD you'll see and read (and hear):

A howling banshee...a resurrected mummy...a lycanthrope...a ghoul...a voodoo girl...and a wayout undertaker who plays corpse and robbers, merchandising his customers instead of encoffinating them.

In this book, straight from the screenwriter's mouth, you'll learn all about the aforementioned things too awful for words.

If you're not scared to death of being scared to death, if cannibalism is your idea of strong meat, if you're prepared for a reading experience you may never forget as long as you live (perhaps even longer)...then turn the pages and commence reading.

But if your hair turns gray in the process, don't say I didn't warn you.

—Dr. Acula

The Orgy paperback from '66.

Wasn't that fun? I thought you'd like it. Famous Monsters was not a part of my childhood, but I can see why an entire generation of film freaks have such lingering affection for Forrest J. Ackerman. With his corny jokes and gung-ho enthusiasm, he is the psychotronic film world's equivalent of Stan Lee. "Death Takes a Hell-A-Day" reads a lot like the wisecracking editorials Lee wrote for various Marvel comics from this same time period under such headings as "Stan's Soapbox" and "Bullpen Bulletins." I'd honestly never thought of Lee and Ackerman as counterparts until now, but they served similar functions in pop culture history. They even sort of looked alike!

There's a lot to unpack in "Death Takes a Hell-A-Day." I've heard numerous times that the Wood cult really began in the pages of Ackerman's magazines, long before The Golden Turkey Awards (1980) named Eddie the worst director of all time. This introduction bears that out. Ackerman is surprisingly conversant with Wood's filmography, mentioning Glen or Glenda (1953), Bride of the Monster (1955), and Plan 9 from Outer Space (1957) and namedropping Bela Lugosi, Tor Johnson, and Vampira. He even mentions the unmade projects Ghouls of the Moon and The Undead Masses, both of which are fleetingly referenced in Nightmare of Ecstasy. (Whether Eddie actually had any more footage of Lugosi is another matter.)

As for the film Forry remembered seeing as a teenager, I have good news and bad. There was a silent Italian movie based on Dante's Inferno. It's called L'Inferno (1911), and it's easily findable online. Footage from L'Inferno was indeed edited into a 1936 exploitation film called Hell-A-Vision, but I cannot find even a review or a poster, let alone the movie itself. All I know is that Hell-A-Vision is credited to producer-director Louis Sonney (1888-1949) and supposedly also contains footage of John Dillinger, who had died spectacularly in 1934. Sonney is probably best remembered for producing Dwain Esper's notorious Maniac (1934). Until someone tells me otherwise, I will assume that nothing remains of Hell-A-Vision apart from Ackerman's memory of it.