|Mary Worth: Isn't she lovely? Isn't she wonderful?|
There are comic strips I parody, and then there is Mary Worth. I am continually captivated by the saga of Ms. Worth, a sixty-something retiree who counsels the various misbegotten residents in her SoCal condo community of Charterstone. I do more Worth-related takeoffs than nearly all other comic strips combined, so I thought I'd gather some more recent ones into a post of their own.
Let's light this lavender-scented candle, huh?
Mary herself is usually only a supporting character in Mary Worth, with the other characters and their problems occupying the foreground. But this year, writer Karen Moy decided to give Mary a story of her own. Specifically, the white-haired dowager almost went into the muffin business but wound up being sexually harassed by her would-be benefactor, Ted Miller. Yes, this all happened. Some of Mary and Ted's discussions got intense, man!
Ted and Mary's muffin empire was not to be. But that didn't stop me from creating this Mary Worth/Scarface crossover.
True to form, the other residents of Charterstone have taken center stage this year. Chief among them is Mary's schlubby neighbor, Wilbur Weston, a divorced, sandwich-loving dad who writes an advice column under the name "Wendy." In fact, I imagined Wilbur writing a pulp novel under this name.
But Wilbur had a lot more on his plate than sandwiches this year. After multiple romantic and career setbacks, he descended into a haze of depression, alcohol, and country music. It led to truly dismal moments like this.
And then there was the time Wilbur looked like a fish caught on a hook. I decided to mess with him a little.
Things got so bad for the guy that not even Mary's muffins could cheer him up.
Yep, things sure got dark for ol' Wilbur Weston.
Eventually, Mary talked him out of self-harm. (I was less optimistic.)
Ultimately, what healed Wilbur Weston's soul was karaoke. No, really.
He got some good career news, too, which the strip treated with religious reverence.
At the conclusion of the story, Mary had a long discussion with her steady boyfriend, Jeff. Such a long discussion, in fact, that I imagined it continuing after the apocalypse. Here are a couple of versions of how that might have looked.
For the last couple of months, Mary Worth has been chiefly concerned with the life of Tommy, an ex-meth addict. (Tommy is the son of Iris, Wilbur's former girlfriend, but you don't need to know that.) The erstwhile tweaker has been romancing a coworker named Brandy of late. And he's been routinely asking for divine intervention in his love life.
For a while, Tommy and Brandy's relationship seemed to be going great, despite the occasional hiccup.
And their conversations weren't always the best either.
But there are complications, you see. Brandy has some... bad memories!
And right now, Tommy is worried that Brandy will found out about his meth addict past!
Not to mention all the other weird stuff he's done.
And that just about brings us up to date on all things Mary Worth. If there are further developments, I may or may not tell you about them here. Just read the strip yourself.