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| Very vague artwork for "Trade Secrets." |
NOTE: This article continues my coverage of Angora Fever: The Collected Short Stories of Edward D. Wood, Jr. (BearManor Bare, 2019).
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| The full "Trade Secrets" artwork. |
The story: "Trade Secrets," originally published in Hellcats, vol. 2, no. 1, January/February 1973. Credited to "Shirlee Lane."
Synopsis: Two women, Mina and Sandra, meet at Mina's spacious estate. Mina seems depressed over the death of her husband Larry, and Sandra says she simply must get over Larry (who's been dead two whole weeks) and move on with her life. They make tentative plans to travel abroad, and then Mina invites Sandra to lunch that afternoon. During this meal, Mina reminisces about how she and Larry used to lie naked on the fur rug by the fire. This prompts Sandra to get up from the table and strip. Mina soon joins her. During the course of their conversation, we learn some shocking things about Larry's death and the true nature of Mina and Sandra's relationship.
Wood trademarks: Character named Mina (cf. "Exotic Loves of the Vampire"); "lovely" (cf. "Hitchhike to Hell," "The Hooker," "Bums Rush Terror," "The Loser"); phrase "go out of my mind" (cf. Glen or Glenda, "Never Up-Never In!"); pink skin (cf. "The Devil and the Deep Blue-Eyed Blonde"); fur rug (cf. "The Hazards of the Game," "The Movie Queen"); phrase "get my mind off of the other things, the unpleasant things" (compare to Orgy of the Dead's "I know I should think of other things, of pleasant things"); body juices (cf. "Gore in the Alley"); tongue (cf. "Gore in the Alley); "pubic region" (cf. "Gore in the Alley"); groin (cf. "A Taste for Blood"); character experiencing sudden bodily chill (cf. Orgy of the Dead); "mounds" (cf. "So Soon to be an Angel"); body heats (cf. "The Hooker"); character transfixed by reflections (cf. "Never a Stupid Reflection").
Excerpt: "She knew that Mina was feeling something… the something that she should be feeling. But Sandra still wasn't quite sure… not entirely of just how to go about it. Then she made the first attack. She stepped over the girl and put one foot on either side of her, so that her fur lined crotch was almost directly over the girl’s face."
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| Ed's dream: A white fur rug by a fireplace. |
This is some fancy place Mina has, complete with a "spacious lawn," a marble garden, and a waterfall, not to mention at least two elderly servants (Martha and Masters). It gives Eddie a chance to break out his "fancy," upper-class dialogue, like this little speech from Mina as she stares into the fire: "The flame reflections. They're never the same twice. There is an entity which never repeats itself. Wouldn't it be so wonderful if life were like that." Quite a difference from the way Ed's usual assortment of hookers, hoodlums, and bums usually express themselves. Neither Mina nor Sandra utters even a single profanity in this story.
About that vague title: normally, the term "trade secrets" refers to privileged information within an industry that one company could potentially use to gain advantage over a competitor. But I'm guessing Ed intends some kind of wordplay here, since Mina and Sandra are literally exchanging (or trading) secrets. Or maybe he's referring to Mina as "trade," since she has engaged in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. I've only ever seen "trade" applied in that sense of the word to men -- specifically straight men willing to engage in homosexual intercourse, possibly for money -- but maybe Ed is trying to expand the definition.
Next: "Kiss the Pain Away" (1973)