The 2022 Ed-Vent Calendar, Day 12: A Christmas memory from 'It Takes One to Know One' (1967)

The cover of It Takes One to Know One (1967).

Written under his own name and published by Pad Library in 1967, It Takes One to Know One is Ed Wood's most dense and challenging novel, perhaps even his literary magnum opus. A rambling, episodic story, it almost feels like two or three books that have been grafted together, Frankenstein-style. Some day, I may have to write a full review of it (or, even better, convince Greg Dziawer to review it with me on The Ed Wood Summit Podcast).

Waylon Smithers in a teddy bear costume.

Until that day, I'll just say that It Takes One to Know One is the saga of Don/Donna, a sensitive, effeminate young man who is raped and humiliated in a college town and who decides to become a hobo in order to escape his shameful past. While riding the rails, he is mentored by a tough young woman named Pat, who introduces him to the world of drag performers. One remarkable thing about this novel is that it's one of Ed Wood's few works to reference Christmas directly. Today, for the 12th installment of the Ed-Vent Calendar, I'd like to share a seasonally-appropriate passage from the book with you:

How do these things start? Where did it all start for me? I searched my mind so thoroughly there in the confines of that freight car while Pat, almost naked, gazed in her own thoughts, through the open doorway. The farthest back I could remember was a time when I was a very small child. It was a Christmas time. My little cousin, Doris who was about my age came to our house for the holiday visit. My mother and dad gave her a Teddy Bear snow suit. It was made of some kind of very soft fur. 

That Teddy Bear suit seemed to lure me from the first time it made an appearance. So it was a natural thing, the first chance which came about I tried it on. How I loved to wear that snow suit—the little coat—hat and pants. Whenever I had the chance I’d sneak into the darkness of the closet and put it on—wear it longingly and wish it were mine for good and always. It felt so good close to my body. 

Once I put it on wrong side out just so I could feel the fur against my skin. That was the day Grandmother came home early and caught me wearing it. Of course she wanted to know what I thought I was doing, and I told her I was making believe. She never did ask what it was I was making believe, and if she had I doubt if my juvenile mind could have come up with an answer. She just laughed and helped me put the Teddy bear suit on right side out. After all, at the time, I couldn’t have been more than five or six years old. I could get away with so much then. She even tied the little fur and rubber boots for me. 

Grandmother always made such a fuss over me, and although she never mentioned it, at least to me, I’m sure she secretly wished I had been born a girl. 

Okay, so maybe it's not "The Gift of the Magi," but what do you expect from an Ed Wood novel?