More Splitsider and a 'Plan 9' alignment chart

Rick Moranis as David Brinkley on SCTV Network 90.

Splitsider continues to be a place where I can work through my long-gestating comedic obsessions. Case in point: my latest piece for the site, which is about comedian Rick Moranis. The article contrasts his work on SCTV with the film roles he played from the mid-1980s to the mid-1990s before retiring. I got the idea when I started rewatching old SCTV skits and noticing two important things: (1) Rick Moranis is one hell of a sketch performer. (2) The kinds of characters he played on TV weren't often -- or even usually -- the nerdy nice guys he played in movies. That picture up there, for instance, is from a brilliant monologue he did as real-life ABC newsman David Brinkley. Anyway, I hope my article makes at least one or two people check out Moranis' pre-movie sketch work.

Also, I've noticed that my "Manos" The Hands of Fate alignment chart is the biggest traffic-generating item I've had on this blog since Ed Wood Wednesdays went on permanent/indefinite hiatus back in June. Thank you to all of who have read it and shared it. At the risk of running this thing into the ground, I've decided to respond with another alignment chart, this time based on Ed Wood's most famous movie, Plan 9 from Outer Space. At best, this will be the smoke that lingers after a kitchen fire, but I hope some Wood-heads enjoy it nonetheless.

Also: I don't want to promise anything immediately, but there are some serious plans underway to bring Ed Wood Wednesdays back in the near future! But not in the form you may be expecting. No further spoilers. Anyway, here's the Plan 9 chart. Hope you enjoy.

Can your heart stand the shocking facts about the Plan 9 from Outer Space alignment chart?

At last, a 'Manos: The Hands of Fate' alignment chart!

Here is the "Manos" The Hands of Fate alignment chart you've been clamoring for. EXPLANATIONS BELOW!

Since Halloween is just a couple of weeks away and since the 1966 cult classic "Manos" The Hands of Fate has recently been restored and released to DVD and Blu-ray, I thought the time was finally right to do one of those Dungeons & Dragons-inspired alignment charts for the film. There are already such charts for everything from The Big Lebowski to The Office to Alice in Wonderland, but there wasn't a "Manos" one yet. Well, now there is. You're more than welcome, I'm sure.

ADDENDUM: I thought I'd add some explanations, in case anyone wanted to know why I put each character where I did on the chart. Let's start with the lawful column. Obviously, the merciful, sensible wife who wants to spare Debbie belongs in the Lawful Good spot. A no-brainer. The do-almost-nothing sheriff belongs in the Lawful Neutral position because he represents the actual law yet does not use his authority to help anyone, and the Master takes the Lawful Evil spot because he's always talking about the "will of Manos" and quoting the rules to Torgo. Plus he's pretty darned evil. Of all these characters, it was the sheriff who was my inspiration for the entire chart. 

Good old Bernie. Can't rattle him.

For the neutral column, I chose three characters who don't actually impose the rules but don't go out of their way to cause havoc either. At opposite ends of the scale are two wives. At one end, we have simpering, obedient Margaret, who bravely offers to sacrifice herself to save her daughter, Debbie. At the other end, we have the Master's snottiest bride, who happily snitches on Torgo and accuses the "good wife" of jealousy. In the middle is the movie's true zen master: Bernie the smoocher, whose only interests in life are sucking face with his best gal and sucking down hooch from a flask. Nothing gets to this guy. True neutral all the way. 

Now, we move on to the chaotic column, where I put three characters who deliberately add to the pandemonium of the film. In the "good" spot, because she's still an innocent child, is young Debbie. She causes chaos by just randomly running away in the middle of the night and bringing a strange dog back with her. In the neutral spot is Debbie's useless father, Mike, who is just a mess. He gets the family lost, can't start the car, and just generally makes poor decisions at every turn. And finally, we come to the film's obvious master of chaos, Torgo. Some may question my rating of Torgo as "evil," but let's take Torgo's track record into consideration. During a conversation with the Master, it's revealed that Torgo takes advantage of the wives in some way (sexually, is my guess) when they are immobile and helpless. Add to this the fact that he peeps on Margaret and tries to force himself on her, and you get a habitual sexual predator. He serves a transparently evil master, additionally, and takes obvious pleasure in sadism. In short, not a nice guy.