(today's zomby) AND SUGGESTIONS ON MAKING YOUR HALLOWEEN LESS FUN!

October 31 is coming up soon, and you know what THAT means! Yes, it's time to drain every last bit of fun out of Halloween! Here, let the folks at Centron help:



Depressed yet? Either way, here's part 2:



"Yes, the safest way to celebrate Halloween is.... not to celebrate it at all! So when All Hallows Eve rolls around this year, why not play it safe? Stay home and work on your penmanship or write that book report you've been putting off! Remember to sit up straight now! Here, let me throw your costume away for you!

"There we go! That's better! Dry those eyes now! Nobody likes a crybaby! Remember, when you celebrate Halloween the Centron way, you may feel dead on the inside, but you'll be alive on the outside!"

P.S. - John Carpenter's Halloween came out a year after the Centron film.

Notice any similarities at all?

Z is for Zany (Day 26)

This guy is zany.

I bet that's not what you thought Z was going to stand for. By the end of this book, I was really getting creative with the adjectives -- first "wacky," then "yucky," and now "zany." But hold on a second! What is this creature, this "guy" if you will, supposed to be? It looks like he started out as Frankenstein's Monster, but then somehow mutated into something else midway through. I only drew one neck bolt before deciding, "Screw it! Frankie's already been on the cover and two other pages of this book! Time to try something else!" So I colored his skin gray instead of green, mussed up his hair, and added some bloodstains to his outfit. You know what? I'm gonna call this guy a Living Impaired individual. With a single neck bolt.

And that, dearest readers, takes us to the merciful conclusion of My Halloween Dictionary. I will leave you with the book's back cover -- another charming flourish by the young author, who could've just as easily left it blank. I like how the smudged ink accidentally suggests the motion of the broom-riding witch across the night sky.

The back cover

W is for Witch (Day 23)

See the wacky witch

An end is in sight, kiddies. And glory of glories, I start this one with "See" instead of "Look at." The witch design here does not seem terribly menacing. I must have been influenced by Broom Hilda or Witch Hazel from the old Warner Brothers cartoons. Serious students of the Halloween Dictionary will note that this depiction of a witch does not match the ones we've seen previously in this project like here or here. Before I leave, I must complement the younger version of myself on having great taste in adjectives.

K is for Kettle (Day 11)

Look at the witch's kettle.

The print is a little smudgy here, so I'll transcribe. Look at the witches kettle. Again, it should be "witch's." Again, I was eight. My prose here is not too terribly impressive. I was overly influenced by Dick & Jane at this point in my career. But the facial expression on the witch is, if I must say so myself, pretty damned amusing. "Me? A witch? Don't be silly!"

I is for Incredible (Day 9)

The witch's power was incredible.

Yes, it should be "The witch's power was incredible." What can I say? The very same "witch's"/"witches" spelling mistake also appears The Wizard of Oz (1939). I don't know what their excuse is, but mine is that I was EIGHT FRICKIN' YEARS OLD at the time! I don't think kids that age are well versed in the difference between plurals and possessives. That'll hold up in court, right? As for the content of this particular page, all I can say is: blah, blah, blah, obligatory Christine O'Donnell joke, blah, blah, blah.

E is for Exciting (Day 5)

Halloween is exciting.

Now that's what I'd call truth in advertising! A child dressed as a witch being attacked by an actual bear as the stars themselves rain down from Heaven? I'd say that qualifies as "exciting." Perhaps, though, that creature is meant to be a werewolf. After all, the moon is full in this picture. I was a kid, so who knows what was going on in my mind? Under the circumstances, I'd say the child/witch is being fairly zen, opting merely to say the word "help" (to the monster, I guess?) rather than run away. And notice that she has the presence of mind to hold onto her candy. Werewolf or not, one has to keep one's priorities straight.