(today's zomby) ZOMBY, PART XVIII: THE MUTATION!

Don't worry about Janice, folks! She's making wonderful progress. See?

Why was there a second face on his nose? WHY?

picasion

(today's zomby) WITH ITS OWN "THIS AMERICAN LIFE"-TYPE SOUNDTRACK!

Hey, kids.

Do you listen to This American Life on NPR? I'll admit that I do. Call me a pretentious hipster zombie doucheburger if you must, but I find that TAL really helps calm me down after a long day of being chased by gun-toting rednecks. Anyway, one of the things that most amazes me about the show is the thematically-appropriate background music they always find to go with the stories. In particular, they always find some amazingly apt song to play immediately after the last story. I don't know how they do it. Host Ira Glass always credits someone named Jessica Hopper (presumably this Jessica Hopper) with the vague credit of "music help," but there's no real explanation of their music-vetting process.

Anyway, I thought I'd try it myself today with this coffee-themed Zomby! cartoon. Imagine that this cartoon had been a very well-produced, 5-to-10-minute-long audio documentary about a zombie going into a Starbucks (or "Stabrux" if you must) and encountering a generic female functionary. Are you there with me? Okay, then this is the song that would play after the story was over and Ira was reading the end credits.

Incidentally, one of NPR's patron saints, David Sedaris, contributed a story to Episode 319 of This American Life which actually did reference the living impaired. LISTEN TO IT HERE!

(zomby exercises the nuclear option) AND NINJA TERMINATOR!

Hello, one and all.

I'll be out of town for the Labor Day weekend, so no updates on this blog until next Tuesday. But do you think I'd leave you with no entertainment options for four whole days? Hell no! What kind of zombie do you think I am?

Here is a clip from the indescribably great movie Ninja Terminator. In my absence, this movie is in charge. Obey it as you would me.

Your pal in zombiedom,

Wayne Kotke

Experimental ZOMBY: Damsels in an avocado-colored nightmare world!

For the second day in a row, Zomby Minus Zomby offers you a flaxen-haired generic female functionary trapped in a guacamole-tinted nightmare room. There are no doors, no windows, no natural light or hope of escape. Just corners.

Experimental ZOMBY: The horror of the unknown

As countless horror movies have demonstrated, sometimes what we don't see is much scarier than what we do see. There is inherent terror in the unknown, the unseen. Take, for example, today's Zomby Minus Zomby. What, exactly, is causing our generic female functionary to back away from her computer screen in alarm?

We shall never know.

ZOMBY almost succumbs to a high-pressure sales pitch

Today, Zomby seemingly encounters a generic female functionary in training.

ZOMBY/Ziggy Trivia Challenge: Name That Mr. Fix-It!

Dearest readers,

In the past, I've told you about various character types I've noticed in the Ziggy cartoon feature. First, we talked about Generic Female Functionaries and then it was Karl Malden lookalikes.

But now there's a third Ziggy archetype I want to highlight: the skinny, cap-wearing Mr. Fix It. Generally, this fellow is an auto mechanic, as seen below...



But our mechanically-inclined ectomorphic pal turns up throughout the Ziggy-verse in a number of settings. See if you can match the following skinny Mr. Fix Its with their various occupations. The answers, as always, are in the comments section.



a. Body Shop guy
b. Pest Control guy
c. Plumber
d. Computer Repair guy

Good luck.

ZOMBY finally gets his ZOMB-ETTE and she's... uh, lovely. Really.

A major milestone in ZOMBY!!! history, with optional ROMANTIC MUSIC!

Is there a ZOMB-ETTE in ZOMBY's future...?

Classic "good news, bad news" scenario for our boy today...

A ZOMBY mini soap opera!

At long last... ZOMBY!!! minus that annoying zombie character

Here's a special song for our lonely bank teller:



John Lennon took a swipe at this song in "How Do You Sleep," but I've always liked the simple story it tells and how it manages to be sad without being mawkish or maudlin. The Simpsons put this song to good use a couple of seasons back in an episode about Mrs. Krabappel.

"Mr. ZOMBY's Neighborhood"

The magic of computers! The original cartoon was some nonsense about a talking bird, but I swapped out the bird and added one of my beloved generic female functionaries complete with the requisite nurse/waitress uniform. You're more than welcome, I'm sure.

Take the Ziggy/Zomby!!! Trivia Challenge: Name That Generic Female Functionary!

Hello, dear readers!

This ongoing Zomby!!! project, of course, requires me to spend lots and lots of quality time with the original Ziggy cartoon feature by Tom Wilson. As well as being a sure path to madness, this experience has also shown me just how repetitive Ziggy is. I have, for instance, noticed that Ziggy -- and therefore Zomby -- spends a great deal of his time dealing with generic female functionaries who sit placidly behind very tall desks. I think it's the same woman working at all these places, and she just slightly alters her hairdo when she switches jobs. Her nurse/waitress uniform remains a constant no matter where she's working.

Anyway, I've decided to turn this into a little game. Here are five generic female functionaries who have appeared recently in both Ziggy and Zomby!!! See if you can match them up with their respective places of business. (ANSWERS IN THE COMMENTS SECTION.)



A. Airline
B. Bank
C. Bookshop
D. Computer Dating Service
E. License Bureau

Good luck to you!