Friday, October 30, 2009

Greetings on All Hallows Eve... eve

Portrait of your blogger.
Hello, dear readers.

This is an exciting occasion indeed, for this is the first blog post by yours truly, Wayne Kotke, president, spokesman, and founder of Dead 2 Rights, an organization fighting for the rights of the living impaired. If you are a regular listener of the Mail Order Zombie podcast (and, really, why wouldn't you be?), you are no doubt aware of my ongoing struggle to further the cause of the Living Impaired or LI -- those much-maligned individuals you may know better as zombies. Unfortunately, the living impaired have a severe public image problem, mainly due to grossly unfair portrayals in movies, television shows, novels, and even video games. If you have seen Night of the Living Dead or played Left 4 Dead, you are all too familiar with these negative media images.

But all is not lost, my friends!

Thanks to such forums as MOZ and now this very blog, you and I can help to change the public image of the LI and work together to build a brighter future -- living and living impaired alike! The job ahead of us is, I will admit, immense. Currently, the LI rank just below "terrorists" and "FM morning disc jockeys" in terms of public affection. The LI cannot vote, cannot legally own property, and cannot even walk the streets safely, as trigger-happy vigilantes are forever aiming their shotguns at our vulnerable foreheads. I myself have to go to work in disguise and lead a very complex double life, just to "make it" in a hostile world.

Frankly, tomorrow night (Halloween) is the one night of the year when my people can walk out in public with their heads held high without fear of reprisal. So I say to my living impaired brothers and sisters: enjoy it while it lasts! November 1 is coming, and then it's right back to the same-old, same-old.