Sunday, January 25, 2015

QUIZ: Are you terrible?

Don't be confused any longer! Take this quiz and find out if you're terrible!

It's a question each of us must ponder at some time in our lives: am I truly a decent human being making a worthwhile contribution to this world... or am I a worthless piece of sentient garbage whose very existence is affront to the Lord our God? In other word: am I terrible? Let's face it: unless you clear up this issue soon, you're never going to be able to get your life back on track. And that just hurts the people around you... Steve. So what do you do? It's not like you can just go up to people and ask them, "How much do I disgust and offend you on a scale of 1 to 10?" Well, worry no longer, because the solution has been in front of your stupid, doughy face for months now: Internet personality quizzes. There is nothing these quizzes can't teach you about yourself, including whether or not you're terrible. So what are you waiting for? Answer the following questions (honestly!), tally up the results, and then use those results to see whether you should  remain a full-fledged member of society or whether you should secret yourself away somewhere in the Himalayas in order to spare the world from your sheer awfulness. This should be fun!

1. If you have children, do you ever refer to any of them as "my child?" 
2. How often do you say the word "carbs" out loud per day? Five? Ten? More than ten? 
3. Same thing, only with the word "gluten." 
4. Have you ever corrected someone on the pronunciation of the word "skiing?" 
5. Have you ever gone out of your way to point out that you read the novel on which a movie is based? 
6. Same as #2 and #3, only with "sustainable." 
7. Do you actually need those pre-movie reminders to remember to turn off your cell phone? 
8. How sensitive are you to hearing "spoilers" about the plots of TV shows? 
9. This is a crucial question: Do you use emojis? 
10. Have you ever non-ironically referred to others as "haters?" 
11. Have you ever ironically referred to others as "haters?" 
12. Do you feel that you have "haters?" 
13. Have you ever criticized someone else for being "basic?" 
14. If you answered yes to the previous question, did you do so to compensate for the fact that you yourself are basic? 
15. Have you ever -- even once -- used the word "mainstream" in a pejorative way?

Results time: If you actually take online quizzes seriously and feel that their results have any kind of validity, then I'm sorry to inform you that you are terrible. Please go far away now.

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