Saturday, January 29, 2011

Zed Word's Confusing Cinema Challenge

How do you like your cinema. Hopefully, the answer is "confusing."

Today, Aaron of the estimable Zed Word Zombie Blog has been using the #confusingcinema hashtag on Twitter to post his proposed titles for baffling movies. He also offered this challenge:
If anyone can come up with plot synopses for my #confusingcinema movie titles, I'd be impressed
Well, as they say on the internets these days, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! Let's get started. Here are some of Aaron's suggested titles with my plot synopses.

My Mom Was a Teenage Were-Car - It's 1957. High school cheerleader Betsy Lou Hoover undergoes TWO drastic physical changes when she makes an ill-advised decision to "park" with her quarterback boyfriend, Ron, behind the local nuclear power plant. First, she becomes pregnant. But also, and more incredibly, her DNA is altered and begins to take on the physical characteristics of Ron's beloved '57 Chevy. So now she has TWO terrible secrets to deal with. And will she give birth to a man or a machine? Think Cronenberg's The Fly (plus Cronenberg's Crash) meets Peggy Sue Got Married.

The Land of Percy Jones's Sweet Bad-Ass Ballad for the War of the Space Toad - A funky blaxploitation take on the typical sprawling sci-fi/fantasy epic. Basically, there's a race of peaceful, gentle aliens, the Salamandrites, whose most prized possession is a magical glowing icon called the Space Toad, which functions a lot like the Sampo in The Day the Earth Froze. It provides them food, energy, etc. The "war" begins when an evil warlike race called the Amphibulons swoop in and steal the Space Toad. It's up to a swaggering Salamandrite named Percy Jones (played by Samuel L. Jackson) to rise up against the oppressors and "take back what's mine." Think Avatar meets Shaft.

Look Whose Chainsaw Bakes Cauliflower - Heartwarming family comedy. Bumbling father and self-styled home handyman Ernie buys a chainsaw to assist him in his various do-it-yourself projects around the house. But it's no ordinary chainsaw! This one comes to life and turns out to have a personality of its own. You'd think a chainsaw would have a badass/tough guy personality, but this one's more of an easygoing hippie vegan type. Anyway, the saw gets into various hijinks and teaches the family to love again... until the government finds out about it and tries to take it away so it can be dissected and studied. Think E.T. meets Home Depot.