Thursday, October 10, 2019

Time for a spooktacular Halloween comics roundup!

These people are not trick-or-treaters! Do not open your door to them!

The frost is on the pumpkin, the leaves are on the ground, and the kids are all back in school having their spirits broken. That's right, fall is underway! And I have such a limited imagination that I can't think of a better way to celebrate autumn than with another comics roundup! So let's rake some comics into a big pile and then dive in!

What's been happening in Beetle Bailey? Well, there was this weird hybrid fish-human creature whose existence suggested that Sarge had sex with a fish. But I noticed that the creature also bore a resemblance to a character from David Lynch's semi-obscure 2002 cartoon series Dumbland. Judge for yourself.

There was also a recent Beetle Bailey about two legless dummies who "talk" only through prerecorded messages. (I can't explain it. Beetle Bailey is getting really weird.) I thought they would make great replacements for Leroy and Loretta in The Lockhorns. All they need is a bluish-yellow void to serve as a backdrop.

Yeah, that'll do.

Family Circus remains a great target because it's so stubbornly wholesome. All you really have to do to create a subversive parody is add sex...

Or how about drugs? Drugs are funny.

Funky Winkerbean has, as usual, been mired in tragedy of late. But at least, amid the unfathomable sadness, there was this meatloaf that kinda looked like Meatwad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Judge Parker recently had a story about an overaged student athlete. But I felt they didn't go far enough, so I fixed it.

What, you thought I'd forgotten about Halloween? In a vaguely Halloween-themed article? It is to laugh! Here's Trixie from Hi & Lois as Pennywise. Good luck sleeping tonight.

More Halloween fun? Well, here's that Judge Parker/Scooby Doo crossover you've always wanted.

And, yeah, I think Marie looks like Velma. But I also think she looks like someone else...

Jeff and Jenny's marriage continues to rot away in Marvin.

I haven't had much to say about Rex Morgan recently. But I did have some fun with vintage Rex Morgan promotional artwork. Like this...

And, uh, this...

You know they're keepin' it freaky in Six Chix.

And I thought it was high time we had Zits: The Musical. I mean, there's been a musical of everything else.

But now, it's time for the big mamma jamma herself, Mary Worth, my muse. When we last left the residents of Santa Royale, Dawn had been dumped by her French boyfriend Hugo. But her spirits were lifted by a surprise visitor.

Some days later, I apparently thought it was a good idea to swap the dialogue between Mary Worth and Dennis the Menace.

Then Dawn's conversation with her father, Wilbur, inspired another switcheroo.

As for Wilbur, he recently got back from a trip to Africa. And, boy, was he excited to talk about it!

Wilbur was also eager to rekindle his relationship with Estelle. And he went about it with his usual sense of tact.

But Estelle was not so enthusiastic. And she hit back with her greatest weapon: punctuation.

Their date did not go well, and everything Wilbur said made it worse.

One great thing about an Estelle story is that it means the return of Estelle's one-eyed cat Libby.

Unfortunately, Estelle was taking this Wilbur thing entirely too seriously.

And I hear that Estelle is no longer bothering to memorize her lines. She's actually causing a lot of problems on the set.

That's about it. Well, except for this random image...

Okay, now we're done.