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| This illustration depicts some old-timey peep show machines. |
NOTE: This article continues my coverage of Ed Wood's When the Topic is Sex (BearManor Media, 2021).
The article: "What Would We Have Done Without Them?" Originally published in Body & Soul (Pendulum Publishing), vol. 6, no. 2., July/August 1972. Credited to Edward D. Wood, Jr.
Excerpt: "Any guy or girl old enough to enter one of those theatres knew what sex was all about . . . and it wasn't simply holding hands in the back seat of some car like a high school kid. They knew what the bed looked like, and they knew what went on under the sheets even if it did look like the producer didn't. The guy and the girl lock into a tight lip kiss without tongue action and they were laughed off the screen. The producers and the owners didn't do much laughing. They were crying when they read the box office receipts."
Reflections: This is Ed Wood's short history of the pornographic film industry, from the peep shows of the 1900s to the full-color X-rated feature films of the 1970s. His only real thesis seems to be: Boy, the porno film sure has changed over the years, huh? As with the previous two articles in this book, Eddie skimps on specifics. He doesn't mention any stars, directors, or producers. Not a single year is listed anywhere, only general time periods.
Meanwhile, the only titles he supplies are those of nudist camp films: A Day in the Life of a Nudist, Nudist Fun, and Life at a Nudist Camp. I cannot conform the existence of any of these movies, so the titles may be fictitious. Perhaps they're moldering in the archives at Something Weird Video headquarters. Popular in the 1950s and '60s, the nudist camp movie has faded into obscurity, but it has an important place in the history of screen sex. I can never forget John Waters' description of these often-inane movies: "Happy, healthy idiots on pogo sticks with air-brushed crotches."
Like "That's Show Biz," this is an article I have already reviewed on this blog previously. Back in 2019, I offered a fairly thorough summary of this piece and gave my thoughts on it. Two and a half years later, my opinion of it has not really changed much. In retrospect, it's interesting how Eddie viewed the adult film business from a purely economic, almost mercenary standpoint. A lot of the article is about how theater owners have sought to maximize profits with greater and greater efficiency over the decades.
The cheaper the presentation that could be made the more for the producers and the house. This also brought on the quick-house-change-plan. There was no reason for giving the viewer, or the patron two hours of movies for his two to five bucks. Get them in, give them something, and get them out. There was always somebody else waiting for that seat. In the beginning there were lines of patrons waiting to see such films. The presentations were knocked down to fifty-eight minutes of running time. Two guys could occupy that same seat during a two hour period where previously there could only be one. . . . And that meant that seat would bring in four to ten dollars for the two hour period.
The popular image of Ed Wood (especially as he is depicted in Tim Burton's 1994 biopic) is that he was an unrealistic, starry-eyed dreamer who only wanted to express himself through his art. Perhaps, in the 1950s, this was true. But his article shows that Eddie was perfectly capable of thinking like an accountant when he had to.
Next: "The Movies and Sex" (1971)