Sunday, November 29, 2009

Living With The Living: Some Advice From the Waynemeister

NOTE: This post is strictly for my living impaired brethren and sisteren (cistern?) out there. You living people can take it outside.

The living. We deal with them on a daily basis -- on the job, in the streets, in our homes and churches. Kotketology teaches that we should try to love the living and get along with them, but I do admit that they sure can make it hard to do. If they're not screaming in terror and falling all over themselves to get away from us, they're aiming their guns right between our eyebrows. Am I right?

Can I get an Amen?

But Dr. Kotke is in, and I've got the prescription for you, pilgrims. Follow these simple steps, and dealing with the living can be (mostly) a breeze. I plan to use this blog to give you LI-ers out there some handy advice that you can apply to your day-to-day afterlives. Today's lesson is very simple.

When in Rome, do as the Romans.

This is basic enough. Want to avoid getting shot? Then try your best to blend in with the living people all around you. That means: act like the living, dress like the living, talk like the living, walk like the living, etc. I know we've been taught since childhood to be true to ourselves, but when you're living impaired, "being yourself" might cost you your second life. And in this video game, there are no replays.

What does this mean for you? No shambling. And don't walk with your arms outstretched like you're waiting for your nail polish to dry. That is -- forgive the expression -- a dead giveaway. In short, follow the sage advice of Mr. Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. Walk like a man!

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