(today's zomby) AND A WEIRDLY COMPELLING INTERVIEW WITH RICHARD CARPENTER

I don't know whether you heard it or not today, but NPR aired an oddly fascinating interview with 1970s pop star Richard Carpenter (of The Carpenters), conducted by Terry Gross. It's the 40th anniversary of the Carpenters signing with A&M Records (the label co-founded by Herb Alpert), and there's a new CD compilation being released called 40/40 to commemorate the occasion. Anyway, Richard Carpenter talks about all the usual subjects: the band's formation and early years, the Carpenters' unique sound, the stories behind their big hits, etc. But the interview takes a left turn around the 26:10 mark. Terry admits that she used to find the Carpenters' music "corny" and asks Richard what he thought of Sonic Youth's remake of "Superstar." The results are unexpectedly entertaining.

(today's zomby) AND HELLO, SHE'S SHELLEY DUVALL!

You may or may not have seen the following clip. Either way, it's well worth viewing. Let Shelley Duvall hypnotize you by saying her own name over and over again for one glorious minute. (WARNING: Shoulder pads!)



You are now under Shelley Duvall's power. You will do as she commands. Return to your homes and await further instructions. From Shelley Duvall.

(today's zomby) AND AMERICA'S FUNNIEST PRESIDENT, LYNDON BAINES JOHNSON

Millions now living have no recollection of the man commonly known as LBJ, a.k.a. Lyndon Baines Johnson the 36th President of the United States of America. He was actually dead before I was born, so I don't have any first-hand memories of the man. But I still think he's a strong contender for the title of funniest man to lead the free world. Here, for instance, is our former President holding a beagle by the ears:

Hilarious, right? (Relax, PETA people. The beagle was fine. I mean, it's dead now, of course. That picture was taken 40+ years ago, after all. But at the time, the beagle was not injured.) Need more proof that LBJ was comedy gold? Listen to the man order pants over the phone. (WARNING: Strong language ahoy!)



BLOGGER NEWS 'N' NOTES: After nearly two years of blogging, I have decided to give Dead 2 Rights a little bit of a facelift. I'm not quite done with it, but I was wondering what you thought of the changes. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks.

(today's zomby) AND DEADMAU5!

Two kinds of dead mice today. First, the cartoon kind:

And then the musical kind:



Personally, this song seems pretty unremarkable to me, but it's racked up 22 million hits on YouTube. So listen for yourself and decide.

(today's zomby) AND THE WORLD'S FUNNIEST PUPPET!

From the late, lamented Wonder Showzen, here's the world's funniest and most confrontational puppet, Clarence at work:

(today's zomby) AND, TIME PERMITTING, THE WAY OF THE SAMURAI

In the last few episodes of the now-on-hiatus Mail Order Zombie podcast, I courted a bit of controversy by discussing the longstanding rivalry between zombies and ghosts. Well, the following cartoon implies that the feud extends all the way to the animal kingdom...

But speaking of ghost dogs, here's the trailer for a Forrest Whitaker movie I haven't seen. FUN FACT: After watching this trailer, you will be a fully-qualified samurai!



P.S. I was so charmed by the image of the floating, glowing dog that I am now going to present it in quadruplicate.

And a Ziggy/Zomby-free alternate version:

SPECIAL REQUEST TO THE ROBOTS WHO COLOR "ZIGGY": Please consider dropping such hideous shades as "burnt umber" and "guacamole" from your color palate. There is no reason for this cartoon to look like a 1970s kitchen.

(today's zomby) AND SPEAKING OF SIR ALEC GUINNESS...

And speaking of Mr. "Genuine Class" himself, here's Sir Alec Guinness in what his undoubtedly his greatest role, Jamesir Bensonum from 1976's Murder by Death.

(today's zomby) AND THE CHILLING WORDS OF A MADMAN

With today's Zomby, I wanted to try an experiment: what if this cartoon were written by notorious would-be assassin Arthur Bremer?

Bremer's diary

A little history for those not in the know: In 1972, the emotionally-troubled Arthur Bremer (b. 1950) made an attempt on the life of controversial segregationist politician George Wallace. The former Alabama governor was not killed by Bremer's four shots at close range, but he was confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life before dying in 1998 at the age of 79. Bremer spent the next few decades in prison but was ultimately released in 2007. Besides the assassination attempt, Bremer is most famous for his bizarre, error-filled journals which were published under the title An Assassin's Diary in 1973. (Note: The dialogue in the cartoon above comes directly from that book.) So what's the connection to this feature? Well, to me, Arthur Bremer is very much the Ziggy of assassins -- not just because he failed but also because of his almost touchingly pathetic motives. Bremer was not a political extremist but instead was a nonentity, a nobody who thought that the assassination of a famous politician like George Wallace or Richard Nixon would give his life meaning or purpose. The poor schmuck even kind of looked like Ziggy, with his bland, rounded, nonthreatening features.

Harmless-looking Arthur Bremer

Personally, I think Ziggy is a very dangerous little man. The world treats him terribly, and yet he just stands there passively absorbing it all. But each mishap, each insult, each slight pushes him closer to being the next Arthur Bremer. May god have mercy on the snotty waiters, pushy salesman, and grouchy cashiers of the Ziggyverse when that happens. Incidentally, Bremer's diary was the partial inspiration for Martin Scorsese's film Taxi Driver and for Peter Gabriel's song "Family Snapshot."



Perhaps someday, I will do a long-form mashup of Ziggy and An Assassin's Diary. For now, this cartoon will have to serve as the pilot. I wish it were Ziggy himself speaking the punchline and not that goddamned parrot of his, but I have to work with the cartoons I'm given.

(today's zomby) AND THE DARKEST DAY OF HORROR THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN!

Since this is a "zombie" blog, I had no choice but to make a reference to Day of the Dead in the following cartoon:

For the uninitiated (i.e. non-horror nerds), this is a reference to the opening scene of the movie. See for yourself. The following clip is 14 minutes long, but the scene in question occurs in the first minute or so.



And I'm feeling generous today, so there's a smutty alternate punchline after the break! (NSFW? I guess if you work in a nunnery or something.)

(today's zomby) AND HOT STORM WINDOW ACTION!

Are you, like our undead friend here, considering storm windows? Here's a helpful video on the subject. Please at least try to refrain from autoerotic activity while viewing it.

(today's zomby) AND A MEANINGLESS MILESTONE FOR THIS TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE BLOG!

I don't know why, but I like having stodgy-looking businessmen make shockingly inappropriate suggestions to Zomby. You know what else I like? Meaningless milestones! Which is why I'm proud to announce that this terrible, terrible blog has just passed 100,000 all-time pageviews since its start in October 2009. Huzzah! And now here is a picture of that number.

Pretty, right? Seriously, to that one guy who has visited my blog 100,000 times, thank you very much.

RIP Tom Wilson, creator of "Ziggy" (1931-2011)

Tom Wilson and his world-famous creation, Ziggy.

I'd like to take a moment to pay tribute to Tom Wilson, creator of Ziggy, who passed away last Friday at the age of 80. Wilson's son, Tom Wilson II, has been drawing the strip since 1987, but it was the elder Wilson who created the feature back in 1971.

There's a nice obituary for Tom Wilson here, for those who are interested in the man and his career.

One thing the obituary doesn't mention, though, is that when Tom Wilson was an executive at American Greetings, he was among the first to note the talent of a young, up-and-coming cartoonist named... Robert Crumb! Crumb worked for American Greetings back in the old days as an artist before he was able to support himself with his comic book work, and it was Wilson who promoted Crumb from lowly assistant to a more creative position as a lead artist for a line of cards.

Strange but true.

(today's zomby) AND FIVE CLIPS OF ALBERT BROOKS BEING AWESOME!

Have you seen Drive yet, citizens? Well, go out and see Drive. Among the movie's many pleasures (including a wicked good soundtrack) is a brilliant supporting performance by legendary comedian Albert Brooks. Maybe you know Mr. Brooks (whose real name -- no kidding -- is Albert Einstein) best from his voiceover work in Finding Nemo and many episodes of The Simpsons. Maybe you know him from his appearances in movies like Broadcast News and Taxi Driver. Or maybe you know him from his standup work or his many talk show appearances.

I've decided to use today's Zomby!!! post as a makeshift tribute to Albert Brooks. Here are five You Tube clips of the man in action. Watch them and enjoy.

1. The Ventriloquist



2. Impersonation Kit



3. A Daddy's Christmas



NOTE: In addition to his TV and film work, Albert did two marvelous albums, A Star is Bought and Comedy Minus One. Please promise me you'll seek them out. "A Daddy's Christmas" is a one-off single, not from either of those LPs.

4. Albert Brooks Comedy School



5. I Have No More Material



BONUS: Kevin Pollak's Albert Brooks Impression

(today's zomby) AND THE SMOOTH SOUNDS OF THE TIJUANA BRASS!

Zomby is getting his guru on today, as he is wont to do.

And if you want to get yourself into a meditative state, just groove to the mellow sounds of Herb Alpert and his Tijuana Brass, baby! It's always 72 and sunny in Alpertland!

(today's zomby) PLUS AN ANDY KAUFMAN CLASSIC!

First, Mr. Zomby would like to use his appearance today to refute some of the more outrageous claims made in Joe McGinniss's scandalous unauthorized biography.

Mr. Zomby assures me that religion plays no role in his dietary choices. But let's cleanse our palates with a good, old-fashioned sing-along led by Mr. Andy Kaufman.

Andy Kaufman doing his "Old McDonald" routine.

HERE'S A LINK TO THE VIDEO.

The duck girl is pretty good at this, no? And if you want to replicate this performance with your friends and family, here is the record Andy used:

(today's zomby) AND FREE HYPNOSIS!

So you might be wondering, what does Zomby see when he looks at that bird's cloaca? The answer is this:



Stare at this for the full 8 minutes. Maybe it'll help you stop smoking. Or start smoking. Whatever.

(today's zomby) AND A WORLD WITHOUT ZINC!

You may never get a chance to see Squawker & The Stiff, but here's A World Without Zinc to tide you over.

(today's zomby) AND ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE!

(today's zomby) FEATURING A GUEST APPEARANCE BY ZIGGY!

(no zomby today) INSTEAD, I PRESENT MY FAVORITE CARTOON EVER!

Ha ha ha HAAAA ha!!!!!

Today, dearest readers, it is my birthday. And my present to you and to myself is that I am not doing another torturous Zomby!!!! cartoon today. Instead, I have decided to present to you the absolute greatest cartoon of all time, 1954's Alley to Bali with Woody Woodpecker.

Have you ever thought back to some weird show, movie, or cartoon you saw as a kid and asked yourself, "Did I really see that or just imagine it?" That's exactly my history with Alley to Bali. It's a Woody Woodpecker cartoon, sure, but not like any other Woody Woodpecker cartoon I have ever seen. Normally, Woody is a sort of avian variation on Bugs Bunny, the rascally trickster getting on the nerves of some comedic foil. Here, though, he is basically is the foil. More specifically, he is one of two foils. His partner in punishment is the rather obscure Buzz Buzzard. If nothing else, this cartoon gives us a Woody and Buzz forty years before Toy Story.

I don't want to spoil any of the strange, surreal, and unsettling things that happen in this cartoon. I just want you to watch it.


Woody Woodpecker - Alley to Bali by Lupus-novus

(today's zomby) AND PLAN 10 FROM OUTER SPACE!

If the cartoon makes no sense to you, then it's a cinch you haven't seen this:

(today's zomby) AND 1970s MONSTER CEREAL NOSTALGIA!

Boy oh boy! Leave it to Zomby to get himself in another pickle, am I right? It's one thing after another with this guy! But speaking of tasty snacks with deadly consequences, here are some vintage 1970s promotional records by the three General Mills "monster cereal" mascots, Count Chocula, Frankenberry, and Boo Berry. (Fruit Brute is mysteriously AWOL and Yummy Mummy had not been invented.) These originally came as freebies with boxes of the cereal themselves circa 1979, and now they're here for your enjoyment. So just close your eyes and try to pretend that Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi, and Peter Lorre have formed the worst sketch comedy troupe in all of human history. Enjoy!








To be fair, that last one is actually pretty funny -- a showbiz satire in which Count Chocula wins a monster lookalike contest, goes to Hollywood, and finds that Tinseltown isn't what it's cracked up to be. I'm especially taken by the character of "Gary Glamor," the sleazy, glad-handing director who willingly endangers the health of his newfound "star." One thing that's never brought up is that this is all taking place in what seems to be broad daylight, which should pose a problem for a vampire.

(today's zomby) AND A MIND-MELTING OPTICAL ILLUSION!

And here's a little something I like to call the "purple nurple." (Although it is known in some parts of the world as the "harlequin's rectum.")

To set the mood for the optical illusion, please use the following song as a soundtrack:

(zomby exercises the nuclear option) AND NINJA TERMINATOR!

Hello, one and all.

I'll be out of town for the Labor Day weekend, so no updates on this blog until next Tuesday. But do you think I'd leave you with no entertainment options for four whole days? Hell no! What kind of zombie do you think I am?

Here is a clip from the indescribably great movie Ninja Terminator. In my absence, this movie is in charge. Obey it as you would me.

Your pal in zombiedom,

Wayne Kotke