Sunday, August 16, 2015

Remember lickable wallpaper from 'Willy Wonka'? Well, I've perfected it.

The strawberries taste like strawberries. The snozzberries? Well, you know what they taste like.

Go ahead. Don't be shy. We've all seen the movie. We all know how this works. Those pictures of fruit up there? They're lickable. Don't ask how. Just stick out your tongue as far as it will go and drag it across the screen of your computer, laptop, or smartphone. You'll taste an amazing array of fruit flavors: strawberry, pineapple, lime, grape, banana, cherry, and blueberry. Despite what the movie tells you, there's no plum and there are no snozzberries. Trust me, you wouldn't want a snozzberry anyway. Just enjoy what's there and be grateful that I've chosen to share this amazing technological breakthrough with you through my obscure pop culture blog.

NOTE: I don't want to alarm you, but if you lick your screen and don't taste anything, it indicates that you have a serious, life-threatening medical condition and will probably be dead within a month. You can consult a physician if you want, but it's already too late. If your screen doesn't taste like a bag of Skittles, you're already a goner. Get your house in order. Make peace with whatever phony baloney god you believe in, and then stick a fork in yourself, 'cause you're done. But that's not going to happen, right? You're tasting that pineapple already, aren't you? That's what I thought.