Friday, September 17, 2010

The Living Impaired & Hipsters: How to Tell the Difference!

Hipster Wayne Kotke
Hi- ho, true believers! It's your old pal, Wayne, again... and this time I'm here to deliver an important social message that will actually help you in your daily life! In your adventures on the Internet, you have probably heard stories, legends, and fables about a mysterious beast known as The Hipster. What you may not know is that these odd creatures really do exist, especially in urban areas. I work in the great metropolis of Chicago, and I see these inviduals all the time. At first, their appearance, behavior, and mode of dress is baffling and upsetting, but eventually you get used to them. Hipsters are part of the great mosaic of life to be found in the city. As you can see, I am so fond of them that I have drawn this little self-portrait I call "Hipster Wayne."

But here, unfortunately, is where it gets confusing. The Living Impaired and Hipsters actually have several traits in common, and you members of the general public may have trouble telling us apart. And that's just where it pays to have a buddy like me who can spell it all out for you.

Let's start with the traits that Hipsters and the Living Impaired have in common:
  • Dark circles around the eyes
  • Either pale or grayish skin tone
  • Scrawny physique
  • Tendency to move slowly and awkwardly

Yes, the confusion is easy to understand! UNLESS you know the traits specific to hipsters:
  • Sullen demeanor
  • Fondness for skinny jeans and ironic t-shirts
  • Terrible, depressing music leaking from headphones
  • Cigarette dangling lethargically from mouth
  • Chuck Taylors

Remember this simple list, and you'll never confuse Hipsters and the Living Impaired ever again. Til next time, this has been your friend and benefactor, Wayne Kotke.

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