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| Ed Wood is about to break off some legal knowledge. |
NOTE: This article continues my coverage of Ed Wood's When the Topic is Sex (BearManor Media, 201).
The article: "Sex Oddities and the Law." Originally published in Belly Button (Calga Publishing), vol. 2, no. 1, January/February 1971. No author listed.
Excerpt: "Flogging and whipping, or being flogged or whipped, are the most common means for such people to attain sexual gratification. Female sadists have been known to make fierce attacks upon the genitals of their male lovers. On the other hand, male sadists rarely attack the genitals of their sex partners, but frequently inflict injuries to their breasts."
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| SNL's "Supreme Court Spot Check" sketch. |
Reflections: For just a moment, I need you to pretend you are on a game show. I'll be the host; you'll be the contestant. Can you do that? Great. Alright, here's the situation. Hands on buzzers. I'll give you the title and basic premise of an Ed Wood article from the early 1970s, and you'll tell me whether Eddie did any research for it or not. The title is "Sex Oddities and the Law," and it's about how America's legal system deals with certain sex acts and fetishes. So what's your guess? Research or no research? In other words, did Eddie cite any actual court cases or did he just bullshit his way through this assignment? I'll give you ten seconds to think about it.
Time's up. The correct answer is... no research. Ed just decided to wing it this time around. If you got it right, reward yourself with a glass of Imperial whiskey. If you got it wrong, punish yourself with an entire bottle of Imperial whiskey.
Look, I'm being silly, but the truth is that I can never predict when Ed Wood is going to do his homework for an article and when he isn't. It's a crapshoot. However, I would have thought that this particular article all but required a modicum of research. How can you write about "Sex Oddities and the Law" without mentioning any specific laws? Somehow, Eddie finds a way.
The core idea of this article is that all sex acts and fetishes should be legal as long as the parties involved are all consenting adults and no one is getting hurt. I'm pretty sure that's the prevailing viewpoint in 2022. The sex crimes we actually care about nowadays are those in which the victims either withhold consent or are too young to give consent. As for grownups getting consensually freaky behind closed doors, who gives a damn?
Apparently, things were more uptight in 1971. The legal system back then was concerned with what people—even married couples—were doing in the bedroom. Eddie chalks this up to the law being out of step with the times:
Traditionally, the legal system in most countries is a very slow-moving, almost lethargic monster. Consequently, it is always about a century or two behind the contemporary thinking of a society, and is always imbued with a very thick strain of conservative blood. Small wonder, then, that the legal outlook on sex and equal attitudes is as narrow-minded as it is today.
"A century or two" may be pushing it, but Ed's underlying point is valid. He then describes various kinks and fetishes, including group sex, sadomasochism, and cross-dressing, and states that any of them may lead to criminal charges in this prudish world of ours. Certainly, we remember the tragic story of Patrick/Patricia from Glen or Glenda (1953). And, yes, Eddie reminds us once again that transvestites are not homosexuals. It's nearly twenty years later when he's writing this article, and yet that same subject is still on his mind.
But we all have a tendency to repeat ourselves. For instance, I was once again reminded of a Saturday Night Live sketch when I read this article. Back in 1976, during the show's very first season, SNL aired a famous sketch called "Supreme Court Spot Check" in which a young couple, Dwayne (Chevy Chase) and Rhonda (Jane Curtin) find their lovemaking session rudely interrupted by a visit from the United States Supreme Court! The judges, clad in their black robes, want to make sure that Dwayne and Rhonda are doing everything by the book.
One justice (John Belushi) explains that "the government can claim certain unorthodox sexual acts as crimes against nature and the state." When Dwayne responds that he and Rhonda are consenting adults, a second justice (Dan Aykroyd) responds, "Even when both adults are consenting and the act occurs in private." Dwayne and Rhonda continue making love with the judges watching and commenting. At one point, the second justice is very displeased by what he sees. "No, no, no," he objects. "Unlawful fondling."
Obviously, this SNL sketch is a comedic exaggeration, but it's inspired by actual court rulings. This is the world that Ed Wood was talking about when he wrote "Sex Oddities and the Law." When you think about, the laws are actually odder than the sex!
Next: "Those Hidden Happenings" (1972)