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| Oh, good! Ed's writing about bikers again! (Illustration from One Plus One. ) |
NOTE: This article continues my coverage of Ed Wood's When the Topic is Sex (BearManor Media, 2021).
The article: "An Age of Hunchbacks." Originally published in One Plus One (Pendulum Publishing), vol. 4, no. 1, January/February 1972.
Excerpt: "And even the most experienced of them have found themselves with broken legs, arms, and even necks . . . and more to the point found themselves traveling to the graveyard in another type of vehicle. It too has the body in the middle but has four wheels. Two in the front and two in the back. And it's all black and generally has long windows stretching from the driver's seat in the front all the way to the sliding doors in the back. It's called a hearse."
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| Choppers on parade in Easy Rider. |
Reflections: I've been looking forward to reviewing Ed Wood's "An Age of Hunchbacks" ever since I learned of this article's existence. Why? Because it's called "An Age of Hunchbacks," that's why! What the hell could that be about, I wondered? I could scarcely imagine, but my hopes were sky high. I pictured an entire society of deformed Quasimodos wandering the streets.
Well, as it happens, "An Age of Hunchbacks" is simply about motorcycles and those who ride them. It's no surprise that Ed wrote such a story circa 1972. The motorcycle, with its air of danger and nonconformity, became an icon of the counterculture and inspired any number of songs, TV shows, books, and movies in the '60s and '70s. From The Fonz to Evel Knievel, "Leader of the Pack" to Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, bikers were everywhere for a while. Never forget that it was a low-budget biker film, Dennis Hopper's Easy Rider (1969), that altered the entire course of the movie industry. Ed Wood's own forays into bikerdom include the movie Nympho Cycler (1971) and the novel Hell Chicks (1968).
I'm sorry to report that, despite its eccentric title, "An Age of Hunchbacks," is not as interesting as most of what I've been discussing. The basic of theme of this remarkably even-handed article is: boy, there sure are a lot of advantages and disadvantages of motorcycles, huh? Ed quotes no sources and names no names, but he still maintains a subdued, informative tone throughout the piece. Mostly, that is. He lets his imagination run wild near the end. We'll get to that.
Admirably, Ed Wood gives ample space to the positive aspects of these often-controversial vehicles. He admits, for instance, that motorcycles are quite popular with all sorts of people and that some of the clubs formed by riders are peaceful. He also points out that 'cycles are useful, especially for delivering messages or maneuvering through city traffic. They're great for racing, too. And, thanks to Japanese imports, the prices have come down and made motorcycles available to just about everybody. Anyone who wants to can explore the nation's obscure backroads without fear of reprisal from traffic cops. Add to that the fact that motorcycles use less gas than cars.
So much for the nice stuff. What are Ed's complaints? Well, there's the noise, for one thing. Eddie seems almost gleeful when he mentions that California had recently started requiring motorcycles to have mufflers. (He somehow thinks this will solve the problem entirely.) He also alludes to certain "black hats" and "villains" riding motorcycles and generating negative press with their bad behavior.
But Ed's main gripe—the one that gives this article its name—is that many motorcyclists are modifying their bikes in ways that are dangerous and illegal. You'll remember that Dennis Hopper and Peter Fonda rode just such vehicles in Easy Rider. The bikes in that film had absurdly high handle bars and grotesquely extended front wheels. Throughout "An Age of Hunchbacks," I kept waiting for Ed Wood to refer to these customized motorcycles as "choppers," but he never does. That term must have been in wide use by 1972, right?
Okay, so the article is mainly about choppers. What about the hunchbacks? Well, according to Ed, the riders of such bikes have to contort themselves so often that they may become physically deformed like The Hunchback of Notre Dame. He mentions that title specifically. And then he really starts talking nonsense:
Then why do we not think that this age of hunchback riders will not permanently be damaged to such a point that this will be spread to their offsprings? Inherited physical damage has been known to come from a lesser degree of punishment to the body. This has been fact throughout time. But when we look to the nation of hunchbacks we wonder if these people ever look in the mirror and wonder just what is happening to them.
At this point, Ed has abandoned his encyclopedic tone altogether and is concocting some kind of absurd horror movie scenario in which bikers are deformed and giving birth to mutated children. This is the point at which "An Age of Hunchbacks" becomes prime Ed Wood.
Next: "Lost Souls Delivered" (1972)