Ed Wood's When the Topic is Sex: "Odds and Ends and Oddities" (1972)

Ed Wood rummages through his junk drawer.

NOTE: This article continues my coverage of Ed Wood's When the Topic is Sex (BearManor Media, 2021).

The article: "Odds and Ends and Oddities." Originally published in Swap (Pendulum Publications), vol. 6, no. 2, May/June 1972. No author credited.

Excerpt: "The potpourri of news items is an endless stream of words and information . . . however many such items never reach the larger or metropolitan newspapers. Perhaps they seem unimportant for space in those dailies; therefore, they are lost to many who might enjoy the knowledge. If these particular types of items are seen at all it is because they are accidentally stumbled over when one is reading some lesser known paper or periodical."

Reflections: As far as I know, "Odds and Ends and Oddities" is the last of Ed Wood's "oddity" articles to be included in When the Topic is Sex. While these stories are both educational and entertaining, I am not exactly sorry to see them go. Why? Well, to be frank, they include very little in the way of exclusive Ed Wood content. Ed rummaged through some tabloids, picked out a few stories he liked, and quoted them shamelessly while offering just a smidgen of commentary along the way. 

I have to wonder whether the publishers of these other tabloids objected to their material being recycled by Pendulum in such a brazen, bald-faced way. Did none of them send an angry cease-and-desist letter to Bernie Bloom? Maybe they never found out about it. Remember that Bernie's magazines were relatively pricy for their time. A Pendulum mag might cost you more than a Playboy. The tabs, on the other hand, were extremely cheap, representing the low-end of the adult publishing market. You'd think they would be the ones ripping off Pendulum, not the other way around.

"Odds and Ends and Oddities" might be the most bare-bones of all these articles. Apart from the intro and the conclusion, both brief, Eddie makes almost no intrusions into the text here. It's just quote after quote from Midnight and National Examiner. That excerpt above is the very first paragraph of the piece. I selected it because it has the spacy expansiveness that is typical of Ed Wood's writing. Eddie loved far-reaching words like "endless." I think this passage would sound great being read aloud by either Criswell or Bela Lugosi. (More about Cris in a moment.)

Did Jean Seberg love ugly men?

And what did Ed Wood dredge up for our amusement this time? A quick rundown:

• An angry letter to the editor from a married photographer who wants us to know that shooting nude pictorials is strictly business. He doesn't get involved with his models, thank you.

• A psychologist tells us why women have sex outside of marriage. For unmarried women, it may be "an attempt to deal with a separation for which they are not emotionally prepared." For the married ones cheating on their husbands, this behavior may be a way of expressing their independence or even demonstrating "respect for an old friend." Don't any of these women have sex because they enjoy having sex? I only ask.

• A psychiatrist tells us that couples whose marriages are on the rocks can relieve some tension by screaming at each other and smashing items. I think this item must've caught Ed Wood's attention for obvious reasons.

• A doctor tells us he does not object to nudist camps but feels that children should only be indoctrinated into the nudist lifestyle at a very young age. By the time they are teenagers, they are likely to feel shame about their bodies, so making them go to nudist camps is traumatic.

• A British doctor speculates that the first test-tube baby could be born in 1972. For the record, such an event did not occur until July 1978, less than half a year before Ed Wood died.

• Glamorous film actress Jean Seberg, best known for Breathless (1960) and Saint Joan (1957), declares her love for "ugly men," claiming they are better lovers and generally more considerate than handsome men.

• A Los Angeles doctor predicts that, by 1990, couples will be matched by computer and enter into a marriage contract. Birth control will also be more sophisticated and will be strictly monitored and enforced by the state.

• A criminologist speculates that women may equal or even surpass men when it comes to committing crimes! What's notable about this portion of the article is that it quotes a real-life police officer, William C. Trussell, who confirms that women are breaking more laws these days. While I suspect many of the people mentioned in "Odds and Ends and Oddities" are imaginary, Trussell is very real. In 1983, he successfully defended himself against allegations of interfering in homicide investigations.

• Another British doctor says that young people who listen to rock music may be trying to recreate the feeling of being in the womb. Apparently, the driving beat is similar to that of a mother's heartbeat.

• The article concludes with a description of a 285-pound Vancouver man named Fred who is an unlikely lothario. This is one of the rare times in "Odds and Ends and Oddities" when Ed interjects with a joke: "What better way to close this article than with the heaviest story of all." Look, I didn't say it was a good joke.

I mentioned Criswell earlier in this review, and I thought of that old Indiana hoodwinker several times while reading "Odds and Ends and Oddities." I've often wondered if Ed Wood collaborated with Cris on any of the latter's books or articles. It's my personal theory that Eddie may have ghostwritten for him on several occasions, though I have scant evidence of this. Either way, there are several items in this very article that would have appealed to Criswell. That part about women outpacing men in the field of crime, for instance, could have come directly from one of his books. That inaccurate prediction about test-tube babies? Ditto. Criswell would have also enjoyed the section about nudists, since nudism was a major motif in his predictions. (His own wife, Halo Meadows, was an avid sunbather.)

It was the section about futuristic "marriage contracts" that really stopped me in my tracks, however. Cris has a very similar item on his 1970 LP The Legendary Criswell Predicts Your Incredible Future. Come to think of it, he also talks about nudism quite a lot on that album. Maybe Ed Wood and Criswell just had very similar interests and tastes.

Next: "Sexual Terminology" (1971)